We *Are* The Beaver

Well shit, this story has put this song in my head.

Ok, there’s an old magazine all about Canadian history. It is called “The Beaver.” Why? Because goddamn it, or maybe goddam it, the beaver is our national symbol. But now they’re thinking of changing the magazine’s name.

What bugs me about this story is not that they’re having to change their name, but part of why they’re having to change it. Part of the reason for the name change is caused by the new, er, more dirty connotation of the word “beaver”. Often times, if you sent the magazine by email, it would be thought of as spam by filters. I get that. It sucks, but I get it. The other part of the reason for the change is they did some market research, and found out that a whole wack of people would not subscribe to a magazine called “the beaver”, and that is the part that makes me mad.

Does noone know what our symbol is anymore? Probably not, since lots of people don’t seem to know who’s running the country, or what party they’re from. Are we going to have to change our symbol too, since the word beaver, apparently, can have no other meaning than the slang one? While we’re at it, we’d better rename the little animal too. It doesn’t need to be thought of as female genitalia. Come on. If someone’s subscribing to a magazine all about Canadian history, shouldn’t you completely understand why it is called “The Beaver”?

The new name, “Canada’s History,” although accurate, is so ungodly boring. I guess it wouldn’t bug me nearly as much if they were just doing it because they were getting thought of as spam. It’s the fact that people wouldn’t buy it just because of its name. We’re such a shallow bunch, aren’t we?

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