This is a story from a few months back, but still, what a glorious way to kick off 2010’s humpings!
For Adam Michael Kelly, celebrating the end of his football league season by getting right wasted with his teammates just wasn’t enough. He needed more, he needed some love. So the 25-year-old went out looking for it, and found it in the form of…a parking meter.Well hey, if you’re going to end up paying for it, might as well go to someone that’ll take pocket change, right?
Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: “Yeah baby, you know you want it.”
Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.
Then, while talking to police, a woman of Asian appearance walked by and in a loud voice Kelly looked at her and said “f—ing gook, f— off home”, Sen-Constable Long said.
At that point, police arrested the young labourer and took him to the watch-house.
I’m sure you’ll be stunned to hear that Kelly’s lawyer, Richard O’Shane, says that Kelly doesn’t remember much of what happened due to his intoxicated state. The truly stunning part for me is that O’Shane doesn’t appear to be trying to excuse what happened, but maybe that part was left out of the report.
In addition to spending the night locked up, Kelly was fined $150 for causing a public nuisance. I’ll keep my eye out for the story about him trying to break into one of his girlfriends to come up with the cash.