Heart: The Organ Used To Pump Blood.

Welcome to the UK, where everything fun is being sucked out of kids’ childhoods in the name of safety and political correctness. This time, it’s Valentine’s Day.

I shouldn’t say it’s happening all over the UK…yet, but Ashcombe Primary School in Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset, has banned Valentine’s Day Cards, and Peter Turner, the head teacher, says any cards found in the school will be confiscated. It sounds like they’re weapons or something! Why exactly is such severe action being taken? According to Turner, children under 11 are still socially and emotionally developing and don’t know about the commitment involved in being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

Whaaaat? First of all, when cards were going around when I was that young, nobody really cared about girlfriends or boyfriends. If they talked about it, it wasn’t in a serious way. It was just fun to get little cards from your friends with hearts on them, and then we’d all eat cupcakes. Mmm.

Second, does this man actually think that 11-year-olds are socially and emotionally-developed completely and take being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend seriously? If he does, he needs to get his head out of his ass and watch a playground for a while. If a couple of kids that age are boyfriend and girlfriend, they are together for a week. Then they fight, break up, then they either get back together, or find a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

I love how Ruth Rice, a woman who agrees with him and sounds like she’d be about as fun to hang out with as a slab of brick, says that kids should not be talking about Valentine’s day and should be focusing on their school work. Yeesh! And she has twin daughters. I pity them. They probably don’t know what sleepovers or ice cream are. But they know how to sweep the floors and take out the trash real well.

Have these people not noticed that every age group celebrates a holiday in a different way? Think of Christmas. All little kids can think about are the presents and Santa. Adults think more about seeing family. A kid’s idea of Valentine’s day is not the same as that of a married couple.

It’s Valentine’s Day god damn it! Do you hear that, Peter Turner? I have a feeling the real reason for the ban is this guy didn’t get his Valentine’s Day card when he was 6. So if he can’t have any, neither can the kids.

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