I Own More Lizards Music

You know what I said about needing more Austin Lounge Lizards? Well, I went out and got another album.

They’ve changed something with their embedded player since I had first gone there, and now I can’t click any buttons to stop the music. Grrr! But it meant that I heard this one song over, and over, and over again. I decided I needed to have that song, which meant I needed the album it was on. It was called “Small Minds.” It arrived yesterday. I don’t think it’s as good as the other two I have, but they can’t all be winners I guess. Even so, there were some funny songs on here. And other songs that didn’t strike me as funny struck me as songs that I would find funny if I knew some kind of inside scoop that I was missing. Let’s go.

Shallow End of the Gene Pool
The fiddle at the beginning made me dizzy. I’m glad they stopped doing that, otherwise I think I would have felt totally nuts. This song is kinda funny. It’s just all about this guy who thinks he’s at the shallow end of the gene pool and that’s why his life sucks. I love what they did at the end. I would have never thought that this song would remind me of Ode to Billie Joe, but it sure does now. I had to chuckle at the fact that he says when they try to get his EEG waves, he wasn’t even on the graph,” but then uses words like encumbered.

Half a Man
Har har har, this song is corny. He literally is half a man, driving his 9 wheeler, wanting to stand on his own one foot. Har har har chuckle. I did laugh a bit harder when he said that Rush Limbaugh made lots of sense if you’re a man with half a brain.

Old Blevins
Behold the song that made me go buy this album. For some reason I thought the description of a drunk old man who wouldn’t stop talking was pretty funny. I think we’ve all seen one or two of these. “And he said bla, bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla, them crazy hippies, bla bla bla, bla, no effect on me…” You get the idea. I keep joking that whenever I email them about their embedded player, they’ll think of me as old Blevins. “and she says bla, bla bla bla, bla bla, bla bla, embedded player, bla bla bla, bla, can’t shut off the tunes, and she says bla, bla bla bla, bla bla, bla bla, my screen-reader, bla bla bla…is what that blink said to me.” It must kinda seem like that sometimes.

Big Tex’s Girl
Is there a story here? Do any Texans read? Is there a girl who sits out by the Big Tex statue and just sits there throughout the whole state fair? I just feel like I’m missing something.

Do Not Go to Tennessee
This song sounds like it should end badly for this guy, it sounds like he should be singin’ the blues. But it’s the exact opposite. It’s a song all about this guy being an overnight success in Nashville and getting rich, but the tune is all blues.

Truckload of Art
This song made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh…and I can’t really say why. It’s done in the style of one of those old country music story-telling songs, and it’s all about a truck full of art getting into an accident and burning. I can’t explain why making fun of art in the style of an old country song is so hilarious, but to Steve and I at least, it is.

Gingrich the Newt
And this, by far, was the best song on the album. These folks really hate Newt Gingrich. I mean, look at some of these lines.

What kind of newt, wears a suit, and a tie, and frightens small children, when he rushes by?
But, we admit, that a suit, suits him good.
Much more discrete, than a sheet, and a hood.


Not much to this, except they keep you guessing. “Are they talking about Irving the man, or Irving the place?”

Life is Hard, but Life is Hardest When You’re Dumb
Yeah, I think the inhabitants of the “that was dumb” tag would agree. God these guys are harsh to dumb folks, but I think most of the people they’re talking about deserve it.

Bonfire Of The Inanities
Hmmm. Should I laugh? Be afraid? I’m not really sure. It’s all about how in the universe, we’re nothing, “we’re insignificant, baby.” Hmmm. Creepy.

Mourning Edition
I’m really not sure about this one. Something about the economy, and a guy watching the headlines about stocks and stuff, and being bored with his life, and not liking to wake up to Bob Edwards in the morning. Hmmm. Maybe when Steve rips this and gets to hear it, he’ll get it more than I will.

Teenage Immigrant Welfare Mothers on Drugs
It’s funny, and a pretty basic premise. When things are looking kind of sucky, people want someone to blame, so why not teenage immigrant welfare mothers on drugs? I love the guy panning back and forth yelling things like “They’re too lazy to work, they’re stealing our jobs, speaking espanole…” You get the idea.

Father of a Honky Tonk Girl
Meh. Not the best way to end an album. Something about a guy being sad because his daughter’s singing in bars, or something. And what the hell’s with the horse at the end?

So, I wasn’t as thrilled with this album as the others, but it had its share of good stuff. I’ll still be buying more, have no fear.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.