I always like it when I get jokes from Brad. Not sure if the rest of you do or will, but…
*I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.
They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
*Why is it that when your wife becomes pregnant all her female friends rub her tummy and say “congratulations,” but none of them rub your dick and say “well done”?
*Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby.
“Is this yours>?” she asked.
“Probably,” said Paddy. “She burns everything else!”
*They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can’t drive!
*A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a moustache!”
*A biker goes to the doctor to check into some hearing problems he’s been having.
“Can you describe the symptoms to me?” asked the doctor.
“Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair.”