Never An Adult Moment Is Always A Good Album

To celebrate what would have been our 11th anniversary if we didn’t have that little break in the middle, Steve bought me another Lizards album from HMV Digital. Ooo I love the Lizards! I squealed when I saw it in my email. So, the one he got me was Never An Adult Moment, released in 2000. I listened to it yesterday, and it’s another gooder. Let’s go song by song through the album.

Grunge Song
Yes, it’s a pretty close clone of the song by the same name by Radio Free Vestibule. They even added in a part about an obligatory solo just to make it their own. Go Lizards. You like the Vestibules. We like you.

Hillbillies in a Haunted House
What in hell was that? It was like a twisted version of that 10 bears in the bed and the little one said roll over song, but it was sure twisted…and I was not expecting the ending. Just don’t put 80 hillbillies in a haunted house, 81 if you count Buck’s spouse, or all kinds of disaster will ensue.

Forty Years Old And I’m Living In My Mom’s Garage
It’s pretty straightforward. A dude never grew up, and is still living in his mom’s garage. Hey, at least he’s chasing something even if it’s only a mirage. I love that line.

Rasputin’s HMO
This song will haunt me for a long time. I think it has the power of “The Tower”. It’s the scenario of what would happen if Rasputin had an HMO and went for help after he was killed…if he could make it there. I love the double meaning of the line”Just take a seat and wait until your number, it is up.” I also love the ending, complete with witch doctor reference, even though I will hear that in my sleep.

A Hundred Miles of Dry
Steve loves this song. I have found it floating through my head for sure I must say, although I don’t think it had its full effect, because I was still recovering from Rasputin’s HMO. It’s all about the dry counties in Texas, and how desperate a guy got because he was within a zone of 100 miles where he couldn’t get any beer. Mmm…motor oil.

Big Rio Grande River  
What the fuck was that? Really, seriously, what the fuck was that? I got the whole Out in the West Texas Town of El Paso feel, but beyond that, what in the sweet holy hell was going on here? Words just can’t do this justice. Both times the dude gets robbed, but the second time, he rides off with the robbers? Whaaat?

The Illusion Travels By Stock Car
This was just weird. It was a what would happen if a Nascar driver teamed up with a surrealist film-maker scenario. Basically, what happens is the impossible. I love the line “Driving fast and turning left were all that’s left because, realistically, that’s all one ever does…” How true of Nascar racing, how true.

Big Ol’ Bone
This song is stuck in my head for sure. Stuck there good, even though it makes me all sad. The poor guy. Goes out to get his dog a big ol’ bone, and then his dog runs away, so he goes to his girlfriend’s and finds out she’s been cheatin’. So, he throws away the bone through the window of her new love’s car, and the dog comes back and bites him because he doesn’t have a big ol’ bone. Poor guy, can’t win for losin’. But I’m gonna be singin’ “Big Ol’ Bone” all day, all damn day.

The Me I Used to Be
I guess this is one way a guy deals with losing a whole lot of money in a stock market crash. Just become a hbum with not a care in the world.

Waitin’ On A Call From Don
or God? You be the judge. Don the mechanic has a lot of power, wouldn’t ya say? I don’t have a car, but I feel similar when my computer goes into distress and I need outside help. But at least I don’t have to sacrifice a chicken.

The Beautiful Waitress
What in hell is up with the cracker crunch? And why is it the last time he’ll ever be passin’ through? Is it because he creeped out the beautiful waitress and she called the cops and had him hauled off to the big house? If I were the beautiful waitress, I probably would.

Ashville/Crashville
Hmmm. Which Ashville are they referring to? Whichever one it is, they don’t seem to like it much. They seem to think there’s been way too much development done to it.

Dead Air
Yup, that’s what it is. nearly 2 minutes of dead air. But here’s the fun part. If you look at the track list from the Lizards, it stops at Ashville/Crashville, so this one and the next one were made up by HMV digital. Hopefully nobody was stupid enough to pay 99 cents for that track without knowing that was what they were getting.

Chicken’s Gone
Got to carry on. Chicken’s gone, got to carry on. And over, and over, and over. But the tune is catchy and it drifts through my head. That, my friends, that be the hidden track. Can anyone tell me what he says at the end?

And that, my friends, be the album. Yup, I’d say it was another success. My mass of Lizards music continues to grow.

In other news, the Lizards are trying to make their player frame accessible. They tried something and it didn’t work. Hopefully they will try again. They do care about us blinks over here though.

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