Jesus Christ Behind Bars

Travis Emmett Wiley
Travis Emmett Wiley had to have been on drugs. Does he look like he was on drugs? I don’t know how else to explain how he managed to accumulate this giant list of charges.

sexual battery, strong-arm robbery, home invasion, driving with a revoked or suspended driver’s license, possession of stolen property, providing a false name to a law enforcement officer, petty theft, disorderly conduct and two counts of felony battery.

Are you not convinced? Get a load of this description of what he did.

A videotape captured Wiley getting out of a stolen car in the parking lot of the Don CeSar, 3400 Gulf Blvd., about 10:22 a.m. Wednesday. He left the car running with its lights on, prompting hotel security to check the license plate, which revealed the car was stolen.

Before security could find Wiley, he forced his way into a room about noon, knocking a female guest inside with the door. He took money, credit cards, gift cards, a cell phone, stamps, a Dell laptop computer and a computer bag or backpack.

When the room’s male guest returned, Wiley was leaving with his suitcase and backpack. The man chased Wiley to the elevator, they scuffled and Wiley punched the man in the forehead.

Wiley bolted north. In the 3700 block of Gulf Boulevard, he pulled down the bottoms of a woman who was sunbathing on the beach face-down with a head-set on, reports state. He touched the woman inappropriately, said, “I’m Jesus,” and told her he was going to have sex with her and wasn’t going to apologize because he had created her.

A Don CeSar security guard grabbed Wiley at 3820 Gulf Blvd. Wiley hit the guard in the hand, possibly breaking it, reports state.

He’s jesus, eh? Wonder if he can turn water into cash. He’ll need about $181,750 to bail him out of jail.

That would be one scary moment for the girl he attacked. There she is with a headset on, and has no idea what’s coming, and here he comes.

Now, he and Lord Jesus Christ will have to fight over who’s really Jesus.

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