Straight From The Guide Dog’s Mouth

Trixie speaks.
It’s been way too long since I’ve grabbed the keyboard. It was c-c-c-c-cold when I last took it. So hmmm. What’s new in my life? What can I talk about?

This time, when the weather knob started coming back up to nice, everything smelled extra good. It was so hard to go down the road and not sniff all those yummy smells. They were everywhere, and they were calling out to me. Those humans didn’t even notice. They don’t know what they’re missing!

Anyway, Carin got really upset. She was convinced something was wrong with me. She hustled me into that vet place and had them check me for some kind of roids. It sounded like thigh-roids. But aren’t roids on your butt? Why would they need to poke me and take blood and put it in tubes if they thought I had roids? Wouldn’t they just get that h stuff they have at the drugstore?

Anyway, the vet people called back and said I had no roids whatsoever. Well, I could have told them that. That made Carin happy, and I had to show her that I was fine. I figured if I didn’t sniff stuff, then, she wouldn’t take me in and have them poke me and check me for roids! I think I can love the yummy smells from afar. I don’t want to get poked!

You know, I don’t know what to make of the huppy now. He’s not just gonna lay there and let me lick him! He likes to walk on all four of his legs now, and he’s fast! Fast fast fast! He comes looking for me, and I don’t know if I trust him. I run the other way. But then he just runs faster that way! He screeches and squalks and says things like babbagabbabulblblbloo-ee-oo-ee-aaa pfuff’f’f’f! He leans out of his huppy car and reaches for things he can touch. If carin isn’t watching, he grabs a hold of my leash! Listen, huppy, Carin can give me corrections, not you. And I am not to be leaned on like some kind of canine cane. But he seems to like seeing me, so I think we can be friends. I just have to figure out if he’s more human than puppy. Right now I’m confused.

I don’t know what’s up with this city. They decided to keep us on our toes, I guess. From day to day, where there once was sidewalk, it’s been taken away and now there’s a hole. They put orange things all over the place. One side of a street will be all blocked off with orange things, and then the next day it’ll be the other side. Sometimes, they put things that I can go under, but Carin can’t. I got in trouble because I went under one, and then remembered that Carin doesn’t walk on four legs. She walks on two, so she can’t go there. Sometimes, the buses don’t go where they should, so I have to show Carin something she recognizes so she knows where we are. She gets confused and walks away from our home, so I walk all slow. Then she’ll turn us around and I’ll go fast fast fast. That usually gets the message across. But why can’t we get off in our usual spot? Why are there loud things all over the place going hammerhammerhammer? Why did people decide we needed holes in the places we walk and people drive? Is it ever going to be normal again?

For a couple of months now, Carin has been doing a lot of talking about something called a GPS. I think that means all that weird stuff Carin puts on when we go out now. She puts this thing over her shoulder on a strap. The thing has buttons. Then, she straps this other thing on her shoulder that says things to her in something I don’t understand, and then she has this other piece that she clips to her other shoulder. I don’t know what it does, but she always makes sure it’s all charged up. She says if that piece doesn’t work, then the whole GPS thing won’t work.

But what does GPS stand for? Hmmm. Guide Puppy System? But I thought I was the guide puppy system. Hmmm. Maybe it’s Guide Puppy Supplement. She seems to like the way it talks to her when we’re on the bus. I think it tells her where we are. So I guess if she doesn’t believe me, she can check the guide puppy supplement. But hey! There’s this wire thing that leads from the button thing to the talking thing. You know, If I rub my nose on that wire, and kind of hook it in there, maybe…maybe…I can get my gentle leader off! I know what it stands for. Guide Puppy Saviour! Or maybe it just stands for Gotta…Pull…this Stupid…thing off! But she doesn’t like it when I do that, so that can’t be what it means. Hmmm.

So Carin used to go to this place down the street when she wanted to get her fur cut. It smelled like things that make me go shukh. But it wasn’t a bad place, mainly because I liked this one lady who trimmed up her fur. It also smelled like dogs, because I guess a little dog came to work there with one of the people who cuts people’s fur. But we stopped going there a little while ago. I guess the lady who usually cuts her and the fat man’s fur doesn’t cut fur there anymore. Now, she cuts fur out of her own house!

I get really excited when I get to her house. Sometimes, Carin has to tell me to slow down because I just wanna get inside! But it’s great, because Carin lets me out of my working clothes while this lady cuts Carin’s fur. Pretty cool deal!

So, one day, when the fat man and Carin and I were there so they could get fur-cuts, she pulled out one of those things that goes flash! flash! and she got pictures of their furcuts. So, what do you think? Do you like what she did to their fur?
the fat man

Other than that, things have been pretty much same old same old. I think I heard that the next month is going to be busy. I think I’m taking a chugga chugga bumpa bumpa thing to go see a play, and I think that other guy I love a whole lot is coming with us, but not the fat man. I don’t know why the fat man isn’t going with us, but oh well. Then I think we’re going up to that conference thing where Carin spoke last year, but I don’t think we’re going to talk this time. We’ll just listen. And I think I heard that the huppy has been around for a whole seven dog years soon, so they’re going to bring people over and they’ll all eat food and play with the huppy and watch him walk on his four legs and stuff. Maybe I’ll be back here talking to you guys sooner than the last time. I’m sure I’ll have stories to tell. Life is never dull.

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