I had a really weird dream last night, and I think the weirdest part was I could actually feel things in the dream. I hate it when that happens. It makes me nervous.
I dreamed I had to go to the doctor for a check-up. But it looked like I was back at the children’s hospital where I used to have to go. There were even kids playing with the big wooden puzzles in the waiting area.
The doctor came over to me in a hurry and told me to come with him. He had a big thick file in his hands that seemed to have everything in it that I had to go through from when I was a baby. He kept saying that way back at some point, I was sent somewhere in the states for a test, and had to go under general anesthetic. I said I don’t remember that. He kept saying I did go through it, it says here in this file, and I was a baby, and the reason I had gone for that test has come back again. What he said was something like “demons from that time have come back to haunt you.” I kept asking him to clarify, but he wouldn’t tell me anything.
He led me into his office and slapped down that thick file again. He opened it, and was showing me charts, even drawing on my hand. But nothing in the charts seemed out of the ordinary to me. Then he said I had to have a CT scan. I said ok, but where would I leave Trixie? Then I said I guess I could tie her somewhere nearby and out of danger if it was only a 15-minute ct scan. He thought for a minute and said “I’m sure someone could look after her for a while while you recovered.” Recovered? From a CT scan? I questioned him about that, but he would say no more. Then I wondered if they were going to try and sedate me because I was at the children’s hospital, and they often sedated kids so they’d be still in the CT scan, so I said I didn’t need to be sedated if that’s what they were thinking, so I shouldn’t need to recover. He said ok, as if he listened to me.
Then a woman came in, and started talking to me. Then she started combing through my hair as if checking for lice. I asked her what she was doing, and she said “Looking for a vein.” She said this completely calmly, like this was normal. I kepd demanding to know what was really going on, at which point they only would talk to each other. Then she must have found what she was looking for, because something went into my head and god did it hurt. Then she said she had to make sure it wouldn’t move and pinned it in place and that hurt too. Then my voice sounded all funny, like somehow the thing was blocking part of my nose. Then she said to the doctor, “When she starts having broken speech, we know it’s working.” It didn’t matter what I said to them, neither of them would act like I was saying anything that required a response.
Then they made me stand up and we started walking. I kept asking if I was just going for a CT scan, or if something else was going on and if so, what was it. They kept saying everything would be fine, and that was all they would say. At this point, I wished my mom was there so I could ask her if I’d ever gone for this test they talked about. Maybe she could interpret for me what in hell was going on. Maybe she would talk to me like a person, unlike these two. But I knew there was no way I could get a hold of her this second, and soon, apparently, I wouldn’t be able to speak. We got into an elevator and I started to panic. I wished I’d paid attention to where the CT machine was, whether it was up a floor or down from the doctor’s office. Maybe then the elevator’s movements would tell me once and for all if they were lying.
And I guess I started breathing all ragged and short in real life. In the dream, I was starting to hyperventillate, so that would make sense. Steve noticed, and sorta woke me up. I’m glad he did.
What the hell was that? I know that would never, ever, happen in real life, or I should hope not. I do think of that story Ann told about being sedated against her will when she was having a kid, but gees! This was just insane. I should think I have a little more faith in my family doctor than that! Where was this all coming from, and why? The closest comparison I can draw is I heard a horror story about things going bad for a guy in an ambulance who was having a seizure, but that’s a stretch.
It was all so vivid. There were details in it that made the whole thing all too real. My doctor was there from when I was a kid, the room was the same room, I remembered facts that I knew from that hospital, like how little kids were sedated when going through CT scans and mom fought to make sure they didn’t do that to me because she thought it might mess with me somehow, I can’t remember how, and she insisted to them that she could tell me to keep still and I would. All of that was there in that dream, but then there was all that other wacky stuff. And there was the element of being able to feel pain in the dream. That always scares me, since last time things went crazy with me, I had a lot of dreams where I could feel pain. I’m pretty sure all is well with me, but I notice those dreams more now because of that.
I read that, and think I must look a wee bit insane. I sure felt insane when I woke up. Hopefully now I can forget about the dream.