I Think Jail Is A Safer Place For Him Than Coming Home To Mom

Carlos Mitchell, you should just forget about leading a life of crime because it’s not your thing. Let me explain a few things to you.

  1. Don’t rob the bank in which you were just trying to open an account the day before. If you were just in there trying to open an account, they likely have your face on camera, and your name. Sure, you failed to open an account because you didn’t bring ID, but they still have your face captured, and that’s a fine start in catching you.
  2. The point of putting on a disguise is so that noone will know who you are. Therefore, it is counterproductive to snap a photo of yourself in said disguise with your cellphone.
  3. It is also bad to snap a picture of you next to your freshly-stolen loot from the bank you just robbed.
  4. Using your mom’s car as your getaway vehicle is a bad idea.
  5. And soon after you rob a bank is not the perfect time to start trying to sell pot, especially when you have loaded up your cellphone with lots of photo evidence. You see, when the cops find the pot as you drive around in mommy dearest’s car, which they’re also looking for, they will give it a good looking over, find your phone, and then…well…busted.

And boy was he ever busted. Let’s just count up the mass of charges this fellow accumulated.

three counts Armed Robbery, one count Possession Marijuana With Intent to Sell, one count Distribution of Marijuana Within 200 Feet of a School, one count Possession of Marijuana over 20 grams, two counts Resisting Arrest, one count Possession of Burglary Tools, two counts Burglary of a Structure, one count Attempted Burglary, one count Burglary of Dwelling, one count Grand Theft, one count Petit Theft, one count Criminal Mischief, and 1 count of driving without a valid license.

Holy crap! How does one get two counts of resisting arrest? Did he try to run twice?

Bye, Carlos Mitchell. Hope you like jail.

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