The Future Of Wrestling Looks Like No Future At All

I haven’t had a chance to watch the final episode of WWE NXT yet, but what I have had a chance to check out is the list of rookies and pros for season 2, which starts next week.

Christ but there are some stupid names on this list. I’ve bitched about this before, but even I wasn’t prepared for the stupidity at play here. I swear Creative is doing its best to get these guys under instead of over. Let’s run it down, in more ways than one.

Zack Ryder coaching Titus O’Neill (former college football star)

Titus O’Neill…isn’t he the guy in all those romantic comedies?

MVP coaching Percy Watson (tries to be Little Richard)

If they let him keep the character he’s been using in Florida, this is one of the few names that I have no problem with whatsoever. In other words, expect me to have a problem with it real soon.

Cody Rhodes coaching Husky Harris (Windham Rotunda, who admits his father is Mike Rotunda – he’s the lesser talent of the two brothers)

In retrospect, Bo and Duke Rotundo weren’t bad names at all. Seriously, Husky Harris? I can’t say for sure, but there’s a decent chance I’d have quit on the spot if put in a similar position. That name might have worked in the late 80’s and early 90’s when WWE was made out of cartoon characters, but it’s 2010 and the company is made out of bland guys who are all the same. everybody’s at a disadvantage, and I’d kill to know what this poor fucker did to be placed at an even greater one than everybody else. Husky Harris. Every time I hear that name, I think Happy Humphrey, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what WWE had in mind.

And they’re admitting who his family is? How do you do that and then saddle him with a name completely different from theirs, and such a ridiculous one at that?

John Morrison coaching Eli Cottonwood – a 7 footer who is not quite as big, not quite as good, and not quite as charismatic as Giant Silva

Love that description. And this is another name I would have had no problem with if he were still playing his crazy mental patient type character, but they took that away from him long ago in favour of making him just another guy.

Mark Henry coaching Lucky Cannon, a sheriff dude

Lucky Cannon is not a sheriff. Lucky Cannon is a porn star.

Kofi Kingston coaching Michael McGuillicutty – the former Joe Hennig.  Oh, and he admits that his grandfather is Larry Hennig and his father is Curt Hennig

I already asked the how do you give a guy a stupid ass name and then admit he’s got awesome family history question once, but it needs even more asking in this case. And what in fuck kind of name is Michael McGuillicutty? They didn’t have names that retarded on Hee Haw, for christ’s sake. Does nobody stop and think about how this stuff sounds? “the winner of the match,and new world heavyweight champion, Michael McGuillicutty!” Um no.

Michelle McCool & Layla coaching Kaval, the former Low Ki


Low Ki should be coaching everybody else. he’s this season’s Bryan Danielson or Daniel Bryan, whatever you want to call him. I fucking hate WWE sometimes. they sign these guys, who are 2 of the best wrestlers in the entire world,and then do this kind of crap with them. At least the Daniel Bryan stuff is finally getting interesting, but I’m not sure how this Kaval thing is going to work out. If nothing else I’m interested, but I’m not sure if that’s because I’m actually interested or because I find trainwrecks strangely fascinating.

The Miz is back as a coach, with Alex Riley, the current FCW champion

This could actually be a pretty nice heel pairing if they let it. Riley’s character is kind of a richer jock type version of Miz, and I can imagine them playing well off of each other. and hey, Alex Riley is even a pretty good name for the gimmick. Nice to see them get 1 right in 8 tries.

I have nothing else to say. I think I’m going to go mourn the further loss of my favourite sport. Fuck off, WWE.

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