Guide Cats for the Blind

I got this link today, and had a good chuckle. You know how people joke about what would happen if you tried to train a cat to guide? Well, here’s what would. I don’t think anyone would be signing up for one of these.

Here are the words in case there are no captions on the video. I’ve gotten to thinking a lot about captioning and videos, more about that in another post. But in the meantime, here are the words. No, I didn’t write them down myself, I got lucky this time.

The word ‘futile’ springs to mind;
Mission Impossible; yes, that’s
The attempt to harness for mankind
The intelligence of cats.

You’ve made a basic error;
Now let me expound;
This master/servant thing’s OK
But no, not that way round;

We don’t do the faithful subject;
We don’t do the daily grind;
You should never have attempted it;
Guide cats for the blind.

Give kitty so much trust
And we’ll abuse the privilege;
You think you’re going out?
You’re opening the fridge.

You think I’m trying to help you?
I’m not serving man but mammon;
You think you’ve gained a faithful friend;
You’ve lost a plate of salmon.

I might lead you down the High Street;
I’ll be back when I have dined;
We get very, very hungry being
Guide cats for the blind

It can’t be very pleasant –
Of this I’ve little doubt –
To have your head stuck in a cat flap,
Whether facing in or out.

You could be here a day or two
One half out in the rain;
I’ve got to go; I’ve things to do;
Maybe I’ll pass this way again.

A dog would go for help;
Cats are not that way inclined.
Cats have better things to do than being
Guide cats for the blind.

Of some matters I am ignorant,
But this I know for certain;
The best place for a blind man
Is not halfway up a curtain.

And why should he they have to be
Up on a roof at 4am?
It’s the perfect place for me
But what’s in it for him?

It was where I had to go
And he just tags along behind
I don’t know why; only a fool would follow
Guide cats for the blind.

I once met a man called Pavlov;
From time to time, he rang a bell;
Simple toys make humans happy
But I have to say that, well,

I found it a disturbance, and
Poor chap, I think he knew it,
And soon he only rang his bell
When I wanted him to do it.

Did you ask for our assistance?
If you did, well we’ve declined;
Here we are, an oxymoron;
Guide cats for the blind.

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