Nearly two years ago, Steve found an article that was sure to send me into spasms of eeeeeeek! It was about beekeepers making a bee beard. Because he just loves watching me squirm, he found a more detailed account of how to make a bee beard, and uh, um, mission accomplished!
There are certain details in here that especially get me all freaked out, details like
Q: How did you practise?
A: We did one trial run with a few bees that I knew were very nice and gentle. There were probably 15,000 to 20,000 bees.
A few is 15000 bees? A few? Hmm. When I think a few, I think 5 or 10. Not 15000.
Q: Do they forage on your face?
A: They start to look for moisture for sure, they get really hot. They’ll go to my lips and you can feel the little tongues getting moisture. They can also suck up the sweat.
I can just imagine the bzz bzz bzzing along with sucking, and it’s too much. Goose bumps are travelling up and down my back.
Q: What does it feel like in general?
A: It’s kind of like monkeys in a barrel. The original bee holds onto the face and they hold on to each other. It’s kind of little claws, holding on to the skin. If I try to move my face, they hold on with all their might, it feels like a sunburn. The skin is tight.
Ick. This is why I am not a beekeeper.
Q: How do you take the beard off?
A: Basically you lean over top of the colony box that they live in, and jump. The jerking motion makes them all let go.
I’d be jumping around if you tried to put them *on* my face.
Q: Is there any other way to get 37,000 bees off your face?
A: There are times when you can sweep bees. I don’t think I would want to sweep them off, they don’t like that motion.
And when you’re dealing with 37000 bees, do what they like! Respect the bees, man!
Um, when I look at that, that’s a big part of the Q and A that freaked me out. Beekeepers, I have an infinite respect for you. I don’t think I could even watch someone put a bee beard on, let alone wear one myself.