“Hello, police? I’ve got a bit of a situation here.
“So I’m standing out herewith this 83-year-old man pinned up against a wall while I go through his pockets.You know, just minding my own business when this hooligan comes up from out of nowhere and punches me right in the face! I’d like the bastard charged, so if you could get down here right away I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.”
“Oh, I’m supposed to get in the car? I guess we’re taking a ride to the station so you can take my statement?”
“Wait, what do you mean you’re taking something, but its going to be me into custody for elder abuse and robbery? I was assaulted! NO fair!”