What A Crappy Plan

Oh my my. I’d hate to see the collective IQ at this family reunion if Donald Denney and his son Donald Denney are any indication. I mean, they didn’t even bother putting Jr. on one and Sr. on the other. I can see it all now when the younger Denney was born. Young Donald: Waaaaa!
Proud mom: Duh, whatdya wanna call him?
Daddy dear: Hmmm, um, uh, um, hmmm…Gee! How ’bout… … Oo! I’ve got it! *snaps fingers* Donald! Yeah! Good name that is.

Here’s why I say that. The story goes that the young Donald was in prison for a few years, but I guess he needed some money. So he talked to his dad over the phone. Yeah, the prison phone, ya know, the prison phone that’s recorded all the time. And over their phone conversations, a plan is hatched that someone will smuggle in a golf ball-sized chunk of black tar heroin and young Denney will sell it.

And it won’t be just any ol’ smuggling job. A woman will come see him, with the ball of heroin in her vagina. At some point she will transfer it to her mouth, give young Donald a great big kiss, and pass the wrapped up heroin to his mouth, at which point, he would swallow it. Oh but we’re not done. He would swallow it and wait for it to pass through his system. He would poop it out, and then sell it around the jail.

If you can believe it, this plan gets even dumber. You see, old Donald cannot find a woman whose record is clean enough that she would be allowed to visit him. So, plan b, plan b! He will come see him, with the heroin in his ass, put it in his mouth, kiss his son, gulp gulp, plop plop, cha ching. Oh yeah, so totally gonna work!

Bear in mind that all this is being discussed over the phone, complete with the day Dummy Daddy Donald is going to come see his son. When papa arrives, he is immediately met by agents who have a warrant to give him a full looking over, at which point they find the smack in his crack. Now, papa’s bound for jail, sure to be placed in a similar facility to the one that holds his son.

Wow. If that doesn’t belong in the “that was dumb” tag, I don’t know what does.

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