The Newer, Softer Criminal

They just don’t make criminals like they used to.

Our first case of what the hell is Timothy Chapek. He broke into someone’s house, inexplicably took a shower, then heard the homeowners come home, and freaked out. Did he hide in a closet or maybe wait for them to go away or perhaps try to be all menacing? No. he called 911, saying he was afraid of their dogs and that there might be guns. I love these 911 calls. Just listen to the homeowner’s, and then his. I love all the barking of the dogs. Part of his appears to have gone all weird, but you get the drift.

Our next gutless criminal is Joseph Colquitt. He came to Wallgreens intending to rob it. But he just couldn’t go through with it, so handed the knife over to the clerk and told him to do what he had to do.

Wow. Two of these in one week. Weird.

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