A Horse Is A Horse, So It’s Not A Big Deal If You Lose Your Arm In One

I love and hate lawyers for exactly the same reason. They’re willing to say any fucking thing no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Most of the time it’s completely infuriating, but other times the shit that comes out of their mouthes is so entertaining that it’s hard to stay angry for long.

On this day, I must say that I’m entertained…and a little sicked out.

Ralph Crozier is representing a fellow by the name of Marian Wegiel. Mr. Wegiel found it necessary to retain the services of Mr. Crozier after finding himself accused ofsexually assaulting a horse.

There’s nothing remarkable about the defence. He’s not admitting that he did anything wrong. This isn’t the kind of case that should go to trial. My client is a good church-going fellow who doesn’t have a criminal history and has the support of his community. All pretty standard stuff.

But then there’s this.

The lawyer for a Shelton man accused of sexually assaulting his neighbor’s horse claimed Thursday the case has been blown out of¬†proportion.

“If this was a guy and a sheep in Litchfield, and I’ve had a few of those cases, this would not have gotten nearly the media attention it has,” said Ralph Crozier, who represents 63-year-old Marian Wegiel.

“But I guess because a horse is higher off the ground it leaves a little more to the¬†imagination.”

Just stop for a second and let that sink in.

“I’ve had a few of those cases.”

Not sure about you guys, but I translate that as sheep fucking is routine in these parts. And if it’s me, I’m picking up and moving the hell out of those parts just as soon as I can.

And I’m pretty sure the reason that this case is being blown out of proportion has nothing to do with the fact that horses stand taller, but rather because in a lot of places it’d be hard to find a lawyer to whom sheep raping is no big deal anymore.

Boy, the TV commercials this guy could have. It’s too bad things didn’t work out a little differently. If he knew the right people, his firm could have been called Cellino and Barns.

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