What Are You Doing Here? The Sign Says Soft Drinks

Cue the jokes about soda jerks and pop machines.

Oklahoma City police responding to a report of shoplifting at a local grocery store found that shop wasn’t the only thing lifting, shall we say.

Police arrested 31-year-old Marshall David Osbrone on April 15 on indecent exposure charges after someone alerted police to a man touching himself behind a soda machine at the store’s entrance.

The person told police they saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind a soda machine, according to the police report released on Wednesday.

When police went to investigate, they said, Osbrone had his pants down to his ankles touching himself.

But Osbrone’s night didn’t end there because, it appears, he wasn’t quite finished.

After being arrested and taken to the Oklahoma County Jail, he had another indecent exposure charge added when he was caught with his pants down, stroking his baton while handcuffed to a bench.

I’d say he should have quit while he was ahead, but considering the circumstances I’m not sure what ahead would be in his case. And yes, there’s probably a nice ahead joke in there somewhere.

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