The Do It Yourself World Tour Rolls On Top Of Guelph

Neither of these incidents will ever find itself in the bad time for whackin’ off hall of fame, but they’re worth a mention since it’s rare that this sort of thing happens here in guelph, home of Vomit Comet World HQ. Even better is that both of them happened in completely different places…on the same day!

First up (that was awful and I’m truly sorry) we have a fellow who must have missed the L in public transit.

The bus driver saw two girls get up from the back of the bus and move to the front of the bus.

The girls told the driver that a man at the back of the bus was touching himself in a sexual manner, the release said.

The driver asked the girls to stay at the front of the bus and instructed other riders to do the same. When he let the girls out at Hands Drive, he asked them to stick around in case police wanted to speak with them, it said.

Police met the bus at the University Centre stop and identified the suspect male, but when they returned to speak to the two girls they were unable to find them.

Yes, Hands Drive. Best part of the story… hands down.

And then there’s this guy, who even brought friends along. What, too shy to ask them for some help?

Police are looking for a man accused of touching himself in a sexual manner in the change room of a Stone Road Mall store.

The man came into the store accompanied by two women at 5 p.m. on May 22.

He asked an employee for help selecting clothing before going into the change room, where he started touching himself, the release said. The employee ordered him out of the store, and he left with the two women.

As far as I know, there’s no truth to the rumour that they’re changing the name of the place to the Rock Hard Mall in honour of this event.

Both suspects are still at large, not that largeness matters.

I apologize for all of the horrible, horrible jokes in this post. I know I know, what’s the difference, right? I think it must be the heat. We don’t have our air conditioner put in yet. I thought about hanging out in a grocery store for a little while to cool down, but after reading all this stuff I’m kinda afraid of getting anywhere near the meat section.

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