Going At It Like Animals, Fine. With Animals, Not So Much. Science Says So

Since I’m sure a few of you have been wondering (search statistics don’t lie), there is now scientific evidence to suggest that having sex with animals is twice as likely to give you penis cancer than sticking to those old, boring humans.

Lead author Stenio de Cassio Zequi, a urologist in Sao Paulo, gave Live Science his theory explaining the increased risk.

“We think that the intense and long-term SWA [sex with animals] practice could produce micro-traumas in the human penile tissue,” Zequi said. “The genital mucus membranes of animals could have different characteristics from human genitalia, and the animals’ secretions are probably different from human fluids. Perhaps animal tissues are less soft than ours, and non-human secretions would be toxic for us.”

A member of an un-named pro-zoophilia group interviewed for the article said that the study is concerning, and that it should prompt people to use condoms when engaging in such activities rather than just stopping because it’s creepy and blarf. Yes, that last bit was mine. She also had this to say:

She added that it was unlikely to deter diehard zoophiles. “They might become more cautious,” she said, “but they wouldn’t change their nature.”

Nature? Nice choice of words there, lady.

So now you know, although if this is anything like most research, somebody will release a study next week to tell us that sex with animals cures AIDS and dementia while making you look and feel 10 years younger. We’ll keep you posted, because that’s kinda what we do around here. by the way, there appears to be no nice way to say that on a resume, in case you were wondering.

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