>I’ll Save You!…From Me…Oh, I See You’ve Got This One. I’ll Just Run Away Then

>I’ve heard tell of a lot of dumb plots in my time. This one, to be charitable, is fucking stupid. Yes, that’s charitable. Allow me to explain.

Robbie Suhr has a wife, a couple of kids and a house. He also has a thing for the exchange student that’s been living with him. This thing has progressed to the point where he must win her over and gain her love. But how? Tell her? NO, too easy, and not nearly stupid enough. Besides, who knows if she’d go for a guy like him anyway. This calls for a hero. But who, and more importantly, why?

As it turns out, the who would be Suhr himself. And why? Because he has to save her, of course. Why let somebody else save her if you’re the one winning her love, right?

But this presents another problem. Save her from who? And here, my friends, is where the true brilliance of the scheme kicks in. The villain would also be Suhr, dressed in dark clothes and wearing a mask. Bad guy him would attack the woman in the garage, tie her up and leave her there. After a short time, hero him would hit the scene, rescue her and they would both live happily ever after…until the wife found out.

Unfortunatley we have no idea how good a hero he’d have made, but if he’s as good a hero as he is a villain, no wonder he didn’t want to just nut up and say hey, I like you a lot.

The plan was working to perfection until it was time to put it into action. The masked man attacked, at which point he was promptly fought off, gave up and fled the property.

Police launched an investigation, fearing that the attack was random and that others in the neighbourhood may also be targeted. But after about a week, Suhr’s plot was discovered and he was charged with reckless endangerment, battery and false imprisonment. He was taken into custody, where I believe he remains. There’s been no word on bail, but that would probably be too easy.

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