>Sploosh Splosh Swimmin’ In A Thought Pool

>It’s random thought splatter time. Put on your rubber boots, this thought puddle’s a doozer.

Like every year, I have to get my silly Christmas shopping talk in there. When December started, I was flipping out, I’d hardly bought anything, and it was…what was Steve’s word? De-fucking-cember? I can’t find it, but ya know. Anyway, in one whirlwind trip around the mall, thanks to Steve’s mom, I had nearly everything bought. I’m on the hunt for a couple things, but for the most part, I’m all set.

But one crappy side-effect of that is I noticed just how much money I was spending. It was so bad that my brain was envisioning trails of money being left in my wake. But really I’m not that nuts. It just feels that way because I don’t usually luck out that huge/do it all at once.

Maybe the reason I was done so fast is I bought a lot of gift cards this year. But I tried to pick ones from stores that I thought the recipients would like. But one particularly hard gift card to get was the Red Lobster one. I’m pretty sure the person who I bought it for doesn’t read here, but if they do, well, there goes the element of surprise.

I went to Red Lobster’s website, and got all excited. They had gift cards! Then I was stopped dead in my tracks by the fact that the “state/province” box only had states in it. Grrr!

So, I called the closest restaurant, which was in Kitchener, and I was told that the site didn’t sell them to Canada, you had to come to the restaurant. Um, not gonna happen.

Luckily for me, I have smart friends on Twitter *coughcough* @MELISSAandRUBY *coughcough*. She linked me to the FAQ that told me where I could call and order a card…which I did. I’m still waiting for it to arrive, but it’s been ordered.

We’re starting our new traddition of spending Christmas together. This year, we’re off to Steve’s family. It should be an interesting experience going to 4 or something Christmas thingamabobs so close together. But it’ll be so nice to spend Christmas together.

Remember back when I talked about the person I picked to donate to his Movember campaign? Well, who knew I’d end up getting thanked for it? He made a cheesecake, brought it in and said everybody who donated to him would be guaranteed a piece. How awesome is that? Damn it was a good cheesecake, and I needed it that morning since I didn’t sleep worth shit the night before.

If anyone’s curious, I’m making huuuuge progress getting around our new floor. That whole reference points from upstairs plan kinda got blown straight to hell since it’s shaped just differently enough that I don’t make the connection. But that’s ok, I’m figuring it out. Thanks to my coworkers being extremely patient, and repeatedly pointing out the same landmarks, it started to click. In fact, on Thursday, I zooped around the second floor with very little help.

Trix puts me to shame. She had the damn place mastered in a day. I took about four days before things started to happen. But they’re happening, so that’s all that matters.

Our new floor is apparently gorgeous. It definitely has some very cool things about it. One thing I have to get used to, though, is that there’s no sink nearby for me to dump Trix’s water. But I have learned that there’s usually a solution to every common problem, and I now own a pretty spill-proof water bowl. This means I can carry it from my desk to the bathroom, probably sloshing all the way, and not spill. Yeah!

But the process of learning a new floor has made me quite fascinated with my own brain. I have noticed that in the beginning stages of learning a place, I am incapable of noticing random details that usually end up being helpful. I’m so focused on listening to where I’m supposed to turn that I notice nothing else.

Then, gradually, I will notice things like the colour of a wall, the way a certain hallway feels, or the smell of coffee. But all these obvious details went completely unnoticed until I reached a certain point in my learning. It’s so bizarre.

But I’m really disturbed by the flipside of all this new learning. I am noticing that more and more, I am getting lost in familiar areas. I’m making stupid mistakes, turning too soon, and once, I crossed a street, then turned and crossed the other way when I only intended to cross one way. The scary part about this is I have no conscious memory of making the second crossing. This is my memory of events the other day: walk up to pedestrian pole, push button to cross street, cross, continue to bus stop…bus stop? Hey? Bus stop? Where are you? They don’t just tear down a shelter…or do they?

What really happened was after I crossed the first time, I turned and crossed the other way. I did it safely, but I have no memory of doing this and had to deduce what I had done based on playing that old hotter colder game with Trix where she goes faster as we approach familiar areas. This scared me so bad that I nearly stopped, pulled out my phone and scheduled an appointment to see my doctor because I wondered if I may have had some kind of bizarre seizure.

I’m starting to think that no, my brain has just been so busy absorbing so much knowledge that something had to give. I know that as it adapts, I will stop having these brain burps. But if I don’t, the doc and I are going to have a long talk. Crossing streets and having no memory of doing so could get me and/or Trix killed, and I don’t want to die anytime soon.

And I’m sad to report that my hopes of reviving my GPS didn’t pan out so well. I got the new part, it was the right part, but it has the same sloppy connection problem the other one does…so I can only think that maybe something bent in the actual unit. I’m not going to give up until I have to. I might bring it to work and let someone who is the right kind of genius have a boo at it. There are enough different kinds of geniuses around there, someone might have an idea or six.

I watched the dumbest movie ever. If someone comes up to you and says “Let’s watch ‘The Happening’,” tell them you’d rather not waste an hour and a half or so of your life. Believe me, watching that movie is…just dumb.

Ok, the premise is that this weird toxen is circulating through the air that’s causing people to find funky ways to kill themselves. Freaky idea, but well, the ending totally suuucks. It couldn’t be any more anticlimactic. And along the way, you could put a jeep down some of the plot holes in this movie. Oy. Just…why?

But I have run into a whole pack of people this weekend that have made me wonder if instead of there being a toxen out there turning people suicidal, there’s one out there stealing people’s ability to think…at all.

Let’s back up to a couple of days ago. I went into the liquor store to pick up a gift card there. The woman who served me, after seeing someone show me to the counter, pointed at the gift cards. “We have that one, or that one, or that one.” I had to tell her that I couldn’t see anything, so she’d have to tell me what she was pointing at. Then, she proceeded to freak out, wondering how to put through a gift card. A manager had to walk her through every step of the process. In a final move of duh, she nearly swiped my gift card, which would have probably used it up before I’d even paid for it. Thankfully the supervisor stopped her.

Ok, whatever, a frazzled worker at a store. No big deal, right? Let’s move on to yesterday. Trix needed another bath. For some reason her skin and coat got really oily really fast. I don’t know if fish oil will do that or what. Since it was so cold out, I took a cab from the bathing place since I didn’t want her to stand out in the cold, and even if I put a coat on her, it was her face I was worried about.

So, I paid debit for the cab. He swiped the card, pushed some buttons and waited. I asked him please give me the pin pad. “No,” he says, “It’s just waiting to go through.” Um, hello? I need to specify the account and, um, enter my PIN. It took me a couple of attempts to get him to look at the screen, realize that I did in fact have to press some buttons, and give me the damn pad.

“Yeah,” you say, “Whatever. Maybe he’d had a long day.” But the parade continued this morning. I went to that Tim Hortons I talked about a little while ago. I had a craving for apple cider, so decided to get Steve and I some breakfast sandwiches and drinks. I arrived, and started to make my order. Before I finished, the girl started madly calling for a manager. I don’t even know why. I think she thought they didn’t sell cider or something. When someone could finally convince her that they did, she then said “Is that everything?” I asked her what she had heard, and basically she said nothing. So, how could that be everything if she doesn’t remember a damn thing I ordered?

I went to pay with debit, since I can now, put the card in and punched the buttons. She then said she couldn’t figure out if it had worked or not. She had to call someone over, and neither of them could figure it out. I had to actually call my bank and check that it had gone through.

Whatever, it’s a new Tim’s, they’re a little frazzled. But while I was in the same store, a woman was very kind and offered to help me with my stuff. I told her what I had ordered and she handed me a bag and said that’s everything. I said I had ordered a few sandwiches and a couple of drinks. She said “Yup.” I knew the drinks weren’t there because I didn’t have a tray. Finally someone pointed out that the drinks were still sitting on the counter. She then said “Oh, I thought they were in the bag!” Um, what would have happened if they put the drinks in the bag with other things? They would have fallen over! Gaaaa!

The stupid virus wasn’t confined to Guelph. I came home to my email, and found an email saying that a person had left a comment on this post about a USB stick. Just look at my first comment, and then Lilly’s. Hello, did you actually think I was being completely serious? For real?

I ventured back out, and the stupid continued. As I was crossing the street, someone shot by and said “Is your dog doing better?” Huh? What is she even talking about? And why not stay around for the answer? Another person asked me what all Trix does for me, and then said “I have to run.” Asking me what Trix does is a pretty complicated question. If you don’t have the time, don’t ask the question.

As I tried to find a place I’d never found before, I ran into a guy and thought I’d ask him. I was standing at the corner of two streets, let’s call them Smith and Jones. I was looking for something on Jones. I asked him about the place, and said it was on Jones. His response? “I don’t even know where Jones Street is.” Uh, chief, take a gander at that there sign. He did, and still didn’t know, so walked up to a woman and asked her where the place was. The response she gave him was a shriek that sounded like the woman a. didn’t understand English and/or b. thought this man was out to rob or rape her. Instead of realizing this woman was not going to be of any help, he pressed on! I had to persuade him to leave her be, she was confused, and seemed scared.

At last, I was about to get on the bus and get home, hoping I wouldn’t breathe in the stupid gas and start doing dumb things. An older fellow walked up to me and this is all he said. “Do you remember my voice? I met you on the bus.” Well…that narrows it down in a hurry. He then told me he helped me find some place where an old theatre used to be. I still have no idea to what he was referring, nor do I remember him.

Ack. That is just too much weird in two days. I know if I show up at work tomorrow and people are acting stupid, I have something to fear.

I think that’s about it for now. Hope you enjoyed the trip across my river of thoughts.

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