Welcome To The WWF Fun Time Singalong

Earlier today I wrote about how much better wrestling used to be compared to much of what we see these days. I was not, however, so blinded by nostalgia as to completely brush aside the fact that not everything back then was great. In fact, there was a whole lot of stuff that was really, really bad. For example, If You Only Knew from the Piledriver album in 1987.

I’ll confess that my 7-year-old self kind of dug this, but come on, I was 7! You show me a 7-year-old that doesn’t like awful songs and I’ll give you a mirror and show you a liar. To a little kid, it was just cool to hear wrestlers singing a song, or at least what passed for singing.

The problem with this, I came to realize as I grew, is that it was lame. Not only was it lame because well, just listen to it, it was lame because it was a sad attempt to recreate the infinitely more fantastic Land of 1000 Dances from a couple of years earlier.

This was my 5-year-old self’s favourite song for a very long time because clearly, 5-year-old Steve had much better taste than 7-year-old Steve. I think I drove everybody in the world nuts with it by the time I was through, but how could you not? It’s just so catchy and fun. To this day, I still love this with all my heart and will fight anybody who disagrees with me on the subject of its greatness. Luckily for me since I’m worse at fighting than If You Only Knew is at being a good song, not a single person has ever disagreed.

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