Got Any Mountain Dew?

I read this a few days ago, and it cracked me up, so here it is.

There’s a lawsuit going on, where the plaintiff is claiming that he opened his can of Mountain Dew and found a mouse in there. They sent the mouse away for testing, and found out that it was a four-week-old mouse. This posed a problem for this fellow’s lawsuit, because the can of mountain dew was bottled 74 days before he opened it up, took a big ol’ chugga lugga and then puked all over everywhere.

But Pepsi didn’t stop there. They actually got a veterinarian to testify that if a mouse was in Mountain Dew that long, it would have been nothing but jelly.

According to McGill, if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” Additionally, “its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period,” McGill noted.

After 30 days exposure to Mountain Dew, “all of the mouse’s structures” would have disintegrated to the point that it would not be recognizable. In fact, “the mouse will have been transformed into a ‘jelly-like’ substance.” The only part of the rodent that could possibly survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”

Mmm, drink up!

So this is the part that perplexes me about this whole thing. Wouldn’t it have been sufficient to say hey dude, the mouse wasn’t even conceived when this pop was canned. It wasn’t in there. Why, in your own defense, would you gross people the hell out with visions of what their product can do to living beings? I know it’s what’ll happen if a living being is submerged in anything acidic for 74 days, but people are dumb and they’ll think what the Smoking Gun headline did. “Mountain Dew Will Dissolve Rats On Contact.” I know, rationally, I’m not thinking that Mountain Dew will kill me, but I’m not in any hurry to buy a Mountain Dew just the same. I’ll be envisioning ruptured heads and abdomens of rodents in it. Mmm. Good stuff!

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