You Are Here?

So it seems we haven’t done this since the end of last May. Wow. But I’ve been keeping an eye out for good searches as much as I possibly can since then, so let’s see what’s been on your minds.

26 May, Thu, 14:32:32
Google:
how to make fun of molson canadian

I’m going to make the safe assumption that you’ve never had one. If you have, this question would not be necessary.

28 May, Sat, 05:52:42
Google:
is it true that most libras die from VD

I dunno. Ask your mom.

03 Jun, Fri, 01:13:15
Google:
petting dog’s butt danger

You could be asking a few things here. Are you wondering about the dangers associated with petting dog butts? About the possibility of the dog taking a chunk out of your butt when you pet him? About the smells that come out of dog butts sometimes? Trixie has exposed us to option 3 a time or 12 and it sure is dangerous, let me tell you.

05 Jun, Sun, 10:14:44
Google:
I have no hope

You wound up here, so this is probably true.

05 Mar, Mon, 01:23:45
Google:
how to sleep in a dumpster

So…I guess you never found the hope you wanted, eh?

10 Jun, Fri, 15:26:09
Google:
the bus is great for touching girls up

Thanks for the tip. Now if you don’t mind me asking, which of these stories is about you?

On the subject of the bus, take a look at this.

02 Jan, Mon, 10:53:26
Google:
Guelph transit sucks

06 Jan, Fri, 13:51:14
Google:
new guelph transit sucks

07 Feb, Tue, 11:30:31
Google:
guelph transit go fuck yourself

02 Jan, Mon, 20:23:58
Google:
guelph transit is being run by a dickhead

We’ve gotten and are still getting dozens of searches just like these, which shows that while these folks aren’t so great at plotting out a bus route system that makes any sense whatsoever, the Vice President of Being Consistent is in line for a hefty raise. Congratulations my friend, whoever you are.

10 Jun, Fri, 20:43:48
Google:
reasons to yell at a blind person

Allow me to direct your attention to the Molson Canadian answer near the top. Meet a few of us and you’ll answer your own question.

11 Jun, Sat, 05:21:16
AskJeeves:
bad stuff about the George Bailey Detention Center

I’ll bet you’re as great a lawyer as the dirt on Maggie Laidlaw guy is a journalist.

05 Jul, Tue, 13:57:35
Google:
“baby bullet” adult toy

I’ve seen how excited people can get about kitchen gadgets, so this isn’t as weird as it sounds.

06 Jan, Fri, 21:09:45
Google:
purple nurple cheesecake

This, on the other hand, is weirder than it sounds. I’d put money on that.

26 Jul, Tue, 12:55:00
Google:
Vomit mobile version

I can only guess this is about the time Carin projectile blarfed in the lobby of our building when we both caught that insane flu a few years ago. Thank god I’ve been around a while and have had an interesting life. Means I don’t have to worry about you people quite as much.

09 Aug, Tue, 20:02:15
Google:
i think sperm is everywere

We all think a lot of things. Now and then it’s good to keep some of them to ourselves.

12 Oct, Wed, 18:24:32
Google:
what happens if you tell siri to fuck off

If I had an iPhone I’d do it right now, but I don’t. Anybody?

05 Nov, Sat, 01:10:40
Google:
“freedom scientific” “jokes”

One of the funniest ones I can remember was called JAWS 7.1.

27 Nov, Sun, 02:01:36
Google:
effects of methamphetamine on dogs

It causes butt danger.

05 Mar, Mon, 06:24:26
Google:
what makes a good drug mule?

A cavernous ass is probably a good start.

14 Feb, Tue, 19:10:01
Google:
unleashed sex picnic with my dear doggy

I’m seriously at a loss for words right now. Look at the date on that search and make your own humour. You don’t need me.

That seems like a good place to end, possibly forever. Not sure this will ever be topped. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be somewhere trying not to think about that.

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2 comments
  1. >I'm ignoring that last one and addressing the Siri question. I don't have Siri, but I'm pretty sure the last time I was on Skype with Amanda, she was showing me Siri and told her to fuck off. Siri, knowing Amanda's name, said something like, "Now Amanda…there's no need for such language" or something like that.

    Love all the Gwelph transit queries ahah!

  2. >Ignoring that last one is a solid plan.

    I had a feeling Siri would do something like that. They seem to have programmed it quite well.

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