Does The K-E Stand For Killing Everyone?

I’ll admit it. I could stand to lose a few pounds. A few more than a few, to be completely honest. But if this is what I’d have to resort to to do it, I’ll happily remain my jolly, slightly doughy self.

Brides-to-be looking to shed that final 10, 15 or 20 pounds in order to fit into their dream wedding gown have taken a controversial approach to crash dieting that involves inserting a feeding tube into their noses for up to 10 days for a quick fix to rapid weight loss.

The K-E diet, which boasts promises of shedding 20 pounds in 10 days, is an increasingly popular alternative to ordinary calorie-counting programs. The program has dieters inserting a feeding tube into their nose that runs to the stomach. They’re fed a constant slow drip of protein and fat, mixed with water, which contains zero carbohydrates and totals 800 calories a day. Body fat is burned off through a process called ketosis, which leaves muscle intact, Dr. Oliver Di Pietro of Bay Harbor Islands, Fla., said.

Nope, doesn’t sound unsafe at all. Not even the part where you’re not hungry and don’t eat for 10 days while you’re traipsing around with your drip bag. Sure there are the small matters of feeling so lethargic that you can’t go for a 30 minute walk, constipation due to lack of fibre and the warning that you shouldn’t do this if you have kidney problems, but who cares as long as you look nice, right?

This sounds like a 1000 Ways To Die segment just waiting to happen. They wouldn’t even have to write an annoying person backstory because we already have one. Seriously, just listen to this woman.

“I don’t have all of the time on the planet just to focus an hour and a half a day to exercise so I came to the doctor, I saw the diet, and I said, ‘You know what? Why not? Let me try it. So I decided to go ahead and give it a shot,” she said.

Schnaider said she was never hungry throughout the 10 days she was on the K-E diet, but admits that it still wasn’t easy.

“It was emotionally difficult, the 10 days of not eating,” Schnaider said. “And sometimes I had to give excuses to people who were asking are you sick? And I was like, ‘No, I’m not sick, I’m not dying, I’m fine.’

“I was tired. I didn’t feel like exercising. The doctor told me that if you can compliment with walking for a half an hour on the beach, that would be great, but I didn’t feel like doing that. I’m a very energetic person, but those days I was a little tired.”

I don’t know who I want to stab in the eye more after reading that, me or her.

Actually wait, it’s definitely her. Her and anybody else willing to part with $1,500 for this. Those walks you’re too drained for and not eating like shitcrap are much cheaper alternatives. And unless you get hit by a car or choke on something, they won’t kill you, either.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.