The Website, Terrible Beer, Audio Returns And Some Jokes At The End

I just got an email from Molson asking me to “answer the call of the long weekend.” I’m sure this is code for please drink our shitty beer, so the long weekend will be getting my voicemail.

That really did just happen.

Anyway, how’s everybody doing? I hope you’re all doing well and are less tired than this guy, who for some reason woke up at 20 after 4 this morning. Bad times, but it’s still better than being sentenced to a long weekend of Molson.

If you’ve seen it (and if you follow one of us on Twitter and clicked on this post that way you have,) we hope you’re liking the new website. It’s almost finished, thank the lord. The only thing we need to do before we can 86 Blogger for good is figure out how to make the new server send out daily emails full of our wit and wisdom like Feedburner is doing now. I know we can probably transfer the current feed over and keep everything as it is, but since Feedburner has a CAPTCHA that we can’t disable on its subscription form, fuck those guys. If we were content with firing off emails whenever a post went up the problem would be solved, but since we sometimes go on insane posting jags that’s not going to happen. We care about you all too much as readers and in some cases friends to put you through that. If anybody knows of something free or close to it that will allow for what I’ve described, let us know.

Besides that, we’re pretty much good to go. All the posts have the correct bylines on them (kiss my ass again, blog importer) and all the downloads that haven’t worked for months are now alive and well on our new server which, I should add, is fast as hell. I should also add that relinking them was a much easier process than we had anticipated thanks to a handy search and replace plugin that Carin dug up. That’s one thing I love about WordPress. It’s insanely customizable and has loads of functionality built right in, but if it doesn’t do something that somebody has ever wanted it to do, that person has probably built a plugin that’ll get it done.

If you’re thinking about making the move from something like Blogger or even about starting a new site, give WordPress a shot. And if you happen to be in the market for some hosting for that reason or any other, drop a line to Shane and James. Tell them Steve and #CarinOfTheWin sent ya. I’m not sure what it’ll do for you in the favours department, but give it a try and let me know how it goes. If it does nothing, I’m putting Shane on notice that at some point I may have to resort to tossing him around like I used to when he was little. Wait, what am I saying? He’s still little.

Oh, I almost forgot, we need to get AdSense up and running as well. I’m not looking forward to that. Messing with ad sizes, styles and positioning when you can’t actually see what your site looks like isn’t high on my list of fun activities. Carin’s either, as it happens. If any of you have a good idea of what might work around these parts, please get in touch.

But AdSense or not, daily digest or not, it’s time to celebrate! And what better way to say thanks for putting up with our quietness and website talk and to break in a new server than a little something we like to call Long Audio Weekend!? Quiet down, crickets! You’re drowning out the cheers of celebration that I’m sure are coming from all over the world! But yes, now that we have a reliable place to put them, we can do casts again, and do casts we shall…unless something bad/unexpected comes up. I’m not sure what we’ll talk about, but we’ll think of something. All the stuff we haven’t gotten around to writing down might be a good place to start.

With all that out of the way…I suddenly realize I can’t remember what else I was going to write down. This is embarrassing. Hmmm…what to do? I know, have a few of the jokes I’ve been saving. That and be sure to follow @ShakespeareSong if you don’t already. One of my favourite things ever on Twitter.

See you for audio weekend unless I remember something between now and then.

Ok…jokes!

*Okay, I know the order of the pedals is clutch – brake – accelerator, but how do I start this piano?

*There were two fish in a tank. One of them said to the other: “How do you drive this thing?”

*Some guy called my wife a pig the other day. I said, “Don’t listen to him, Babe!”

*In 1950’s Ireland, the Catholic Church ruled the country with an iron fist. It was a tough time to be an altar boy.

*After the accident, my wife was left a vegetable.

“Who left this vegetable here,” She asked.

*I just heard on the Radio that the Leader of the Monkees has died. R.I.P. Nelson Mandela.

*As the sperm swam with a mission in mind toward the egg, I thought to myself, “Wow, I’ve really ruined this breakfast buffet.”

*Q: Who is a Catholic priest’s favourite singer?

A: Kneel Young.

*Muhammad Ali vs. Michael J. Fox: The Quickest Game of Jenga Ever.

*Two gay guys were on the beach. One says to the other, “shall I put the umbrella up?” The other replies “yes, but don’t open it!”

*My mate has got a computer document full of 16 year old girls. What a PDF-file.

*Q: What do you call someone who’s had their car stolen?

A: A taxi.

*A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila.

“Why so many, buddy,” the bartender asks.

“I’m celebrating my first blow job,” The man replies.

“Well hell, congratulations,” says the bartender. “I will give you one on the house.”

“No thank you,” replies the man. “if the first 6 shots don’t get the taste out of my mouth, one more won’t make a difference.”

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