Rectum Pharma Plus

When ever I see a story like this one, the same question always comes to mind. What’s more painful, getting it there or keeping it there?

Police in Vermont stopped a car driven by Alex Boulet, a 29-year-old man from New York City. He was driving erratically, and they believed he might just be under the influence of something or other. As it turns out he was, but not in the way you would think.

During his pat down, the officer took note of “a hard object, the approximate size of a golf ball that was separate from his genitals.” Taking note of such things is a job I would not want in a million years, I should point out.

The cops quickly obtained a warrant and an x-ray to see what that unexpected “hard object” might be, and then the staff of a local hospital obtained some laxatives which were given to Mr. Boulet. Boulet, perhaps sensing he was in for a long night, asked if he could obtain a cup of coffee.

After some waiting, the authorities hit pay dirt, if you will. Boulet set free a plastic bag. Inside that plastic bag were several more plastic bags. Inside of those were 84 individually rapped crack rocks. No, that’s not a euphemism for anything. that’s exactly what they found.

But wait, as any competent salesman would say, there’s more!

A second x-ray showed that Boulet wasn’t finished, and that x-ray was not disappointed. About 5 hours after old Santa Ass over here sent the rocks down the chimney, another gift arrived in the form of 218 Oxycodone pills stashed in 2 plastic bags.

There’s that salesman again. If you call right now, you’ll also get…

Another x-ray, another sign that the asscapades were not at an end. Get it? At an end? Yeah, that one sucked. It sucked, but not as much as I’m sure being transfered to the intensive care unit of a different hospital so you could give over the bag containing 11.5 grams of marijuana you planted in your brownhouse would suck.

After all this, Boulet was charged with possession of crack cocaine, marijuana and a regulated drug. He’s now sitting in the Marble Valley Correctional Center (that’s kind of funny) in lieu of $50,000 bail. Ok, so maybe he’s not sitting necessarily. Sitting might not be fun. Let’s go with temporarily residing. Yeah, that works.

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