*”Heather, I bought you a plane for Christmas,” Paul McCartney told his wife.
“How sweet,” Heather replied. “But I’ll still need a Lady Norelco for the other leg.”
*”Hey, go easy on those fucking candies!”
–A Jewish pedophile after luring a young boy into his car.
*A man goes into a pet store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any dogs that go cheap?”
The salesman says, “No, we have birds that go cheep. Our dogs go BARK!”
*Tomorrow I’m going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid. I can’t wait to see how big my puppy is.
*I’ve just heard they’ve found a cure for dyslexia!! That’s music to my arse!
*A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and with legs that wouldn’t quit came to his table.
“What would you like,” she asks.
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers,
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again,
“What would you like, sir?”
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,
“A quickie, please.”
This time her anger takes over. She reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers…
“Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”