Dear Rogers: Get Bent. Thank You

Update: Our pal James has suggested that this post needs a soundtrack. He is correct.

Yes, they gave us a nice discount thanks to that ridiculous internet outage last week, but based on what I’ve just seen, Rogers can still go fuck themselves, preferably in the eye with something large, flaming and uncomfortable.

Our bill came in the mail today. I opened it up to find a higher balance than usual, but that was expected because of Carin’s trip. What I didn’t expect was this nice bit of good news, because good news and Rogers rarely go together in the same sentence unless that sentence is about how they don’t go together in sentences.

GREAT NEWS! A HIGHER MONTHLY USAGE ALLOWANCE IS NOW INCLUDED WITH YOUR ROGERS HI-SPEED INTERNET PACKAGE
Effective June 27, 2012, your Rogers Hi-Speed Internet Express package will include 160 GB of usage per month at no additional charge (currently this plan includes 150 GB per month). You will be able to surf more, download more and do more than ever before! All other aspects of your Rogers service(s) will remain the same. For more information or, if you have any
questions, please contact us in any of the ways listed on page 2 of this invoice. Thank you.

My happiness was short lived, however, as I soon discovered how they would be funding this uncharacteristic bit of generosity.

IMPORTANT NOTICE THE MAXIMUM MONTHLY HI-SPEED INTERNET OVERAGE CHARGE IS INCREASING
To protect you from unexpected high charges, we currently cap the maximum monthly amount you can be charged for additional internet usage at $50 in addition to your Hi-Speed Internet plan’s monthly service fee, modem rental fee (if applicable) and taxes. Effective August 16, 2012 this monthly limit will be increased to $100 in addition to your plan’s monthly service fee, modem rental fee (if applicable) and taxes. If you exceed the monthly usage allowance included in your Hi-Speed Internet plan you will begin to see charges up to the new limit beginning on your first invoice on or after September 16, 2012. All other aspects of your Rogers service(s) will remain the same. Remember, you can track your internet usage online by signing into My Rogers at rogers.com/myinternetusage. For more information or questions please contact us in any of the ways listed on this invoice. Thank you.

Pretty slick, you cocks. Rogers giveth and Rogers taketh away. But since we’ve only ever gone over the thing twice and not by much, good luck dinging us.

Or so I thought.

I’d hardly even cracked the bill at this point, so unfortunately I had to keep reading. And it wasn’t long before this happened.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: THE MONTHLY FEE FOR YOUR VALUE PACK IS INCREASING
Please note that effective the date of your next invoice, the monthly fee for your value pack will increase to $12.79 (currently plus applicable taxes. Unless you receive another notice affecting your value pack, all other aspects of your value pack will remain the same. For more information, visit rogers.com/valuepacks or if you have questions please contact us in any of the ways listed page 2 of this invoice. If you wish to respond to this notice, please see the Rogers Terms of Service previously provided to you posted at rogers.com/terms for any remedy available to you. Thank you.

Wow. Two gouges in the same bill. I want to respond to this notice, alright.

If that were the end of it, you likely wouldn’t be reading this. But don’t worry, I’m far from finished.

A few lines down in the same section, we get this.

IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT A WIRELESS LONG DISTANCE RATE INCREASE
Please note that effective September 14, 2012, the wireless long distance rate for calls within Canada and to the U.S. will to $0.45/min (currently $0.35/min) plus applicable taxes. All other aspects of your Rogers service(s) will remain the same. To save money on long distance calls from your wireless phone, consider subscribing to a Long Distance add-on starting at only $5/month plus applicable taxes for a $0.10 per minute rate. Or for ultimate savings, you can get unlimited North American long distance calling for $35/month plus applicable taxes. For more information, go to rogers.com/longdistance or if you have any questions please contact us in any of the ways listed on this invoice. If you wish to respond to this notice, please the Rogers Terms of Service previously provided to you and posted at rogers.com/terms for any remedy available to you. If you do not respond, then the new rate applies beginning on the effective date specified above to any long distance calling you make after you exceed the number of long distance minutes included in your plan or add-on or if you do not subscribe to a plan or add-on that includes long distance calling. Thank you.

Jesus, this is getting out of han…

My thought was immediately interupted by…wait for it…

INTRODUCING A NEW RATE FOR ADDITIONAL TEXT MESSAGES SENT OVER YOUR PLAN’S ALLOTMENT
Please note that effective September 14, 2012, the rate for additional text messages (excluding premium text messages) sent on your wireless phone over and above the number of text messages included in your value pack or text messaging add-on will increase to $0.25/additional text plus applicable taxes (currently $0.20/additional text). This new rate applies to messages while in Canada to a Canadian wireless number. Text messages received while in Canada will continue to be included in your value pack or add-on at no additional charge. All other aspects of your text messaging service will remain the same. Rogers exclusive, value-add services such as Extreme Text Messaging at no additional charge, with features such as adding personal signatures, auto reply, and more. For
more information on text messaging add-ons, please visit rogers.com/text or, if you have any questions, please contact us in any of the ways listed on this invoice. If you wish to respond to this notice, see the Rogers Terms of Service previously provided to you and posted at rogers.com/terms for any remedy available to you. Thank you.

Pretty sure these guys are spelling fuck wrong. How you mix it up with thank I don’t know, but judging from this bill I think that’s more along the lines of what they’re going for.

Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a bill quite like this. I’m used to a rate hike here and a service fee there, because that’s what Rogers does. They are nickel and dimers of high degree. but all at once like this, that’s new…and infuriating!

I sincerely hate this company. If we weren’t locked in by contracts and if options existed that would conveniently provide what Rogers does at similar cost or lower, I’d drop them in a second. This is one of those areas where Canada completely sucks. You’re stuck with Bell, Rogers and some smaller companies who are often forced to do business with Bell and Rogers to provide service that may or may not meet your needs.

I rarely call for government involvement in something, but something has to be done here. the big two have a monopoly and they know it. Canada needs more competition. One bill like this one is too many, but I know that as long as our communications landscape is the way it is, it won’t be the last.

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