Dance With Us, You Aren’t Free

Here’s a nice little what the huh story to start the day off right. I’ll never be able to watch an episode of the Raccoons the same way again, I’ll telll you that.

Police recently arrested Troy Kenneth Campbell in the middle of Charlottetown’s University Avenue dancing with a beer in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other, The Guardian reports. He was taken to the provincial correctional centre for public intoxication.

As guards readied him for time spent in a “dry cell,” which are used for prisoners suspected of having ingested illegal materials, Campbell asked guards if they had ever seen the cartoon character Cyril Sneer —a pink aardvark with a lengthy snout and the primary villian in the 80s Canadian children’s cartoon The Raccoons. Then, he tucked his penis between his legs, bent over and jumped up and down (apparently) pretending to be the evil industrialist. During his performance, guards spotted a piece of plastic protruding from his rear end. Perhaps sensing the guards’ suspicions, Campbell allegedly pulled the bag out and threw it across the cell.

No idea what he thought he would accomplish through this method of disposal, but I’ve learned after all these years that asking questions such as this one rarely gets us anywhere, so we’ll just go with it because that’s what drunk guys dancing around like cartoons do. Sound good?

Officers, of course, recovered the bag without much effrort. Inside were 4 doeses of the painkiller Hydromorphone, which is not a good thing to have stuffed up your exit hatch for a number of reasons.

Campbell pleaded guilty to a charge of drug possession during a later court appearance and was ordered to pay a $700 fine and a $105 victims of crime surcharge.

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the soundtrack!

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