We’re All A Little Safer Today Thanks To The Harper Government’s Tough On Charity Agenda

Reasons the Harper government sucks, number…oh man, this is getting to be way too many digits. They’re just the worst.

Now and then, with approval, prison inmates were spending their own money to order pizza and chicken from local restaurants. They were being charged extra for the privilege, and a large portion of that extra was being donated to charities. Through the years, these food drive nights had raised many thousands of dollars for organizations that could use it, supported local businesses and had the added benefit of getting inmates to make positive contributions to society.

All of this sounds like a no lose situation, at least if you’re sane. But if you’re Vic Toews, you don’t quite see it that way. To you, this isn’t a charity drive, it’s an ohmygod, prisoners are ordering food, I must put an end to it type of situation. So that’s exactly what he did.

“Canadians were concerned that dangerous and violent prisoners had across the board access to pizza parties and BBQ socials,” wrote a spokesperson for Toews in a statement to CBC News.

Yes, Vic. thank you. I can’t tell you how much sleep I was losing every night knowing that somewhere, in some prison, criminals were perhaps learning the value of charity work. I mean seriously, were this allowed to continue, some of these monsters might have even done dangerous things like volunteer when they got out, and we just can’t have that! Thank you for clamping down on this misuse of the correctional system and abuse of taxpayer money…oh, wait.

Inmates in prisons across Canada raised tens of thousands of dollars each year from those food drives, according to John Chaif, a member of the inmate committee at Joyceville Institution, near Kingston, Ont.

“This was our money that we earned that we spent,” he said. “None of it was institutional funding.”

Chaif said in recent years Joyceville inmates have donated thousands of dollars to children’s toy drives at Christmas, to local food banks, to shelters for youth and to earthquake victims in Haiti.

Chaif said the food drives also benefited many local restaurants and pizza shops since the food orders often ranged from $400 to $1,800 depending on the event.

I’d also like to thank you on behalf of the relief agencies and business owners, Vic. They’re tickled that they don’t have to take any more of that dirty inmate money, I’m sure. In this economy they’ll find a way to make up for the sudden and unexpected shortfalls no problem, so rest easy knowing that you’ve done a great thing in the interest of Canada and the world.

Asshat.

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