Why They Say Don’t Try This At Home

Since I spent more of my childhood than may be healthy doing this kind of crap, this is totally hilarious. JG’s Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home

Looking back, I’m amazed I wasn’t mamed or killed. Partly because the blind kid wanted to learn how the moves worked and partly because like most kids I was a bit of an idiot sometimes, I was usually the one that friends and family tried stuff out on. It also didn’t hurt (in a manner of speaking at least) that I was quite a bit more flexible than I looked and could handle some pain. Thankfully nothing that’s permanently messed up now can be traced back to wrestling. It’s like I’ve heard actual wrestlers say many times: You never get hurt when you think you should. It’s always the simple things that get you.

I lost count of how many on that list I’ve either done or had done to me, but it was a lot. Basically everything but fire. Seriously, you have to be retarded to even think about trying that.

Since I feel I’m qualified, I’m going to go ahead and add a couple more to the list.

The dominator. There’s room for a lot to go wrong here, but even if it goes right it’s still far from the most fun you’re going to have in a day. Here’s what it looks like when people who know what they’re doing are involved.

I let a buddy do this to me because he wanted to see if he could, which is up there with the stupidest reasons to let anybody do anything. Like I said, I’m a bit of an idiot sometimes. He was a strong guy, so getting me up there was no problem. Hell, I barely had to jump. In fact he encouraged me to sandbag him, but I wasn’t so sure about that. Yes, I largely tried to be as safe an idiot as possible. Once I was up on his shoulders, the fun started. Because he was A: a big strong guy and B: a bit of a showoff, he decided to hold me there and walk around a little, just because he could. The video you just saw is about 8 seconds long. Pretty sure I was up there for at least 2 of that video, which gave me plenty of time to regret my decision…and to ponder where I was going to land. Would it be the nice soft couch with all the give or the floor with the old carpet on it? If you guessed option B, you guessed correctly. Unfortunately, I didn’t. If nothing else, it was a teaching moment and a life lesson. Don’t just plan for how you would act in a situation, plan for what you think somebody else is going to do. But really that’s just a fancy way of saying that there may still be an imprint of me in that room to this day.

The Scorpion Death Drop.

Good rule of thumb: if it’s got the word death or drop in it, it’s probably not going to feel good. The atomic drop is usually the exception, but I think somebody managed to knee me in the coins on one of those once, so just stick to the rule.

I bet this wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much if one important thing had happened. My friend (not the dominator guy) who was as much a fan as I and generally smart enough to protect me when we’d wrestle, didn’t bother warning me that it was coming. So there I am, either talking to or just starting to wrestle with somebody else when whammo! I’m on the floor, perhaps in the exact spot where I took my aforementioned dominator. It took a few seconds for the birdies to stop singing to the stars, but as I laid there, it occurred to me that I have bad luck in this room.

Running powerslam.

All you need to know is that even though grass is soft, the ground underneath it isn’t. My tailbone hurt for days. Oh, and that sometimes having friends stronger than you can suck.

I’m sure I could think of more if I sat here long enough, but you should really go and read the list. It’s awesome.

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