Nimrods calling 911 to ask that things such as burgers, Kool-Aid and weed be delivered to them is at the point where it’s pretty much not weird anymore. No, not even if said nimrod calls 911 nearly 100 times. But fortunately, now and then you meet a guy like Jarvis Sutton who’s willing to do that little something extra just to get his name mentioned in a place like this.
On the way there, he started chewing foam attached to the metal caging in the back of the police cruiser, an officer wrote.
Depending on where his burgers were coming from, that might be a suitable substitution.
That was fun, but now I’m oddly hungry.