He Should Have Said He Wasn’t Gonna Do It Because It Wouldn’t Be Prudent

Nope, I’m not even gonna try to explain this. I subscribe to the police theory that there may have been drugs involved, however. When you cut off your penis because George Bush told you to, it’s not much of a leap to assume that either drugs you have taken or should be taking were probably a factor.

Police were called to 21st and Access streets around 1 p.m. Tuesday after a train conductor said a man was masturbating by the train.

When they arrived, the 30-year-old man from Pennsylvania led police on a short foot chase through the train carts until he finally surrendered, said Lorain police detective Buddy Sivert.

“We noticed he had blood on his groin area so we called LifeCare,” he said. “He was only wearing shoes and a pair of shorts. When the medic asked him what happened, he said he cut off his penis with a hacksaw.”

A stray penis was recovered, but there was no sign of a hacksaw. Police did manage to find some glass with blood on it though, which while not a hacksaw was probably unpleasant all the same.

The man wouldn’t tell police who he was, where he came from or how he ended up here, only saying that the world was his home. Perhaps *a* world, but I’m not so sure it’s this one, my friend.

No charges have been filed, but the railroad company does have the option of pressing trespassing ones if it chooses.

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