Once again, the Onion says what we should all be thinking.Nation Celebrates What Is, Technically Speaking, Progress
WASHINGTON—Following two Supreme Court rulings today that allowed homosexuals in California to wed, extended federal benefits to same-sex married couples, but stopped short of calling gay marriage constitutional, the nation celebrated what is, technically speaking, progress, sources confirmed.
With shouts of “Land of the free, certainly more so than it was yesterday, at least!” and “We did it—if you look at the details here and ignore that it’s still disappointing that a high number of gay men and women still don’t have the same rights as straight citizens!” millions of Americans took to the streets to celebrate what is, in the end, a victory.
According to jubilant citizens across the country, no one can argue that the Supreme Court’s decision doesn’t fit into the very strict, dictionary definition of the word “progress,” insomuch as homosexuals were previously treated unfairly and, if one looks at it purely from an objective standpoint, will now be treated slightly less unfairly.
The U.S. populace went on to confirm that the country is, technically speaking, making advances in gay rights.
Update: See also: Gay Marriage Opponents Warn Supreme Court Ruling Could Put Nation On Slippery Slope To Rationality and Supreme Court Leaves Final Decision On Gay Marriage In Capable Hands Of Texas, Alabama, Georgia