Be Careful. It’s A Dog Eat Ball World Out There

Man. You try to do a nice thing by taking in a stray dog and giving it a good home and the next thing you know, the damned thing is chewing off your testicles while you sleep.

Around 7:45 a.m. Monday he was awakened by a “burning pain” in his mid-section, according to the initial police report.
The 39-year-old man told police he sleeps in the nude and noticed the dog was between his legs.
He also noticed the “small, white, fluffy dog”  had blood on its muzzle and front feet.
When the man looked further, according to the report, he noticed that “the dog had eaten one of his testicles.”

I’m not sure what word I would use in its place, but “noticed” doesn’t seem to quite do things justice. When I hear “he noticed,” I think “well how about that! Looks like I’m short a nut! Was it always that way?” I don’t think “wholly freaking motherliving crap, half my balls are gone and there’s blood everyfuckingwhere!”

The man said that he had only taken the dog in three weeks earlier and wasn’t sure if it was vaccinated. As a result, it was taken to a vet, put down and will be tested for rabies by the Arkansas Department of Health.

The man, because the universe is kind of an asshole sometimes, was taken to St. Bernards Regional Medical Center for treatment.

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