No Sam, That’s Not How Breakdancing Works

I’m not sure which hallucinogenic substance police suspect Sam Schauer of being under the influence of, but if it’s going to have me running in circles and dancing around naked in a busy street, giving a running, flying, windshield shattering ass to a complete stranger’s car and drinking out of road puddles, I think I’ll take a pass.

Tom Carideo said he was driving to pick up his young children around 8:10 p.m. near the North Coast Music Festival at Union Park when he spotted the naked man running around, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday.
“This guy was literally running in circles naked as the day he was born,” Carideo said. “Then he looks at my car and goes into a full-out sprint and jumps, landing ass first on the right side of my windshield and shatters it.”

Carideo said he grabbed a hockey stick in case he was attacked, then called 911. I’d love to hear the tape of that phone call.

“My emergency? Oh, nothing serious, just a dancing naked guy with a bleeding arse because it went through my windshield. You know, just your average Tuesday.”

I doubt that’s how it went though, since this story doesn’t come out of Florida.

Police had to use a Taser to finally stop the display and get Schauer contained. He was charged with reckless damage to property, resisting/obstructing police, reckless conduct, aggravated assault and public indecency.

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