Breaking News From CTV. It Was Hot Yesterday, You Guys! And We Can Even Show You Why!

So here’s one of the more embarrassingly stupid and useless things I’ve happened to catch on the news in a while.

Not only is the hot weather a major story on the *local* newscast as if anybody living in the area is going to be caught completely off guard by it should they fail to tune in, but check out the video of poor Max Wark being reduced to giving us all a junior kindergarten level lesson on why we feel more sweaty on days when the air is made up mostly of hot water. It’s harder for the air to absorb the sweat when it’s already full? Thanks, Mr. Wizard! I’m glad you were finally able to solve this mystery for us with little more than sponges and bowls. With the years of study you have clearly dedicated to science, why are you working in local television instead of in a laboratory? Seriously, I’ve seen looks through the Polka Dot Door more sophisticated and informative than this.

And just to put us over the top, we’re also given some “common sense tips for some uncommon weather.” Yes, uncommon weather, because it’s never been hot as balls near the start of September before. One of these tips is to avoid drinks high in alcohol content. Pardon me, but without something high in alcohol content, how do you expect me to sanely make it through things like this news report?

You know, it’s a good thing the broadcast networks staged that campaign a few years ago to save local television. Without important coverage such as this, where would we be? I for one would still be figuring out whether or not I’m feeling a little warmer than usual and why, and that’s not the kind of world in which I want to live, my friends. Not one bit!

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