Sep 28 2013

Why Does Dry Dog Food Have To Smell So Friggin Terrible?

I’m not really that much of a dog person, which is one of the reasons why I don’t do the guide dog thing. but that said, I love Carin’s dogs and have gotten along great with all of them. It’s like the way a lot of us love babies. They’re so cute and snugly and fun to play with, and when they shit themselves somebody else gets to deal with it. Ug…dog crap! There’s another reason why I don’t do the guide dog thing. Ask Carin. Just the mention of the stuff is sometimes enough to threaten to turn me into a barf cannon.

Speaking of barf cannons, a different source of barf cannonerry leads me back to why I started writing this in the first place.

Being the nice guy that I’ve managed to fool a few people into thinking I am, I do help Carin out with dog things when called upon. When Trix was retiring, I took care of her while Carin was at work. Amazingly she never dropped a dirty bomb on me. Not sure how or why she managed it, but thank you, Trix. You’re the man. Hopefully Tansy will be as considerate of my pathetically weak stomach when the day comes.

Ok, why do I keep drifting back to dog shart? Get on track, man!

One of my other duties has been feeding (especially with Trix) and moving those big bags of food around and dumping them into Carin’s handy bins for her because she’s little and it’s easier if I do it. and good king hell on a pole, that stuff wreaks! No matter what kind it is, it just smells so awful! I know the dogs don’t care. They really have no right to care. I’ve seen them literally eat a stranger’s crap off of the ground. If they can do that, they can eat what’s supposed to be chicken or lamb or rice or beef or whatever else they claim is in that dry dog food. But why does it smell so terrible? If I bought chicken or beef that smelled like that, I’d be calling up the CFIA and demanding a recall. Chickens might smell that way if you left them on the side of the road in mid July, but ones you’re supposed to ingest shouldn’t be doing that.

Nothing will ever hold a candle to Trixie’s special fiber food though. If you can imagine what it would smell like if Cheezies could rot, multiply that by about 4, throw in some regular dog food smell and you’re getting the idea. It was so bad that most days I would have to plug my nose while I was feeding her.

So now I will ask again, since I know there are lots of dog lovers who frequent this place. Is there a good reason why dry dog food smells the way it does? Does it have to? Or do all of these companies hate me without having met me? I’d love to know.

12 Responses to “Why Does Dry Dog Food Have To Smell So Friggin Terrible?”

  1. Ro says:

    I remember Science Diet stinking, but I switched Jayden to Blue Buffalo and it has a mild sweet smell. Guess it all depends on the food. Then again something tells me even the smell of roses could make you puke. You have the most sensitive nose of anyone I’ve ever known.

    • steve says:

      Hahahahaha. Am I really that bad? I know I have my smells that will just set me off, but I didn’t think I was such a total puss…especially to people who don’t even live in the same country as I do.

  2. Ann Adams says:

    My sense of smell isn’t what it once was so I’m no judge. However, I don’t remember dry pet food bothering me.

    It may be because I’ve spent a good part of my life cleaning up after kids. After that, dogs are nothing although I don’t like the smell of wet food (cat or dog) at all so I don’t buy it.

    • steve says:

      Thankfully I haven’t been exposed to the wet kind in years and years. My strongest memory of the stuff is my dad eating a can of it when I was very young. Don’t ask me why he did this.

  3. Ann Adams says:

    He did that knowing it was dog food? I remember a movie (or possibly a book) in which a wife got even with her husband by feeding him dog food (seasoned and heated) every day. I think it was one of Stephen King’s but can remember now which one.

    Not that I think that was the case with your dad, of course. I just happened to remember it.

    • Carin says:

      That thing about the dog food rings a faint bell somewhere in my brain.

      Blarch. I cannot stand wet dog food. whenever mom would feed the cats and dog, I had to leave the room. For years I thought I’d never get a guide dog because I was told I’d have to feed the dog wet dogfood. Blarch! Just thinking about it makes me gag.

    • steve says:

      As I recall he was eating it straight out of the can, so I imagine he knew what it was. He was probably trying to win a bet or something equally silly.

  4. Ann Adams says:

    Me too and wet cat food is worse.

    More I think of it, the more I’m sure it was Stephen King. Maybe if I look over his bibliography, something will jump out at me. I know it was an abused wife getting back at her husband because he threw his dinner plate, food and all, against the wall.

  5. Ann Adams says:

    I’ll never find that book I’m afraid. The guy congratulated his wife on preparing a decent meal for a change so she served it every night.

    Your dad winning a bet sounds plausible.

    • steve says:

      I don’t remember a book, but there was an old joke that went something along that line. I should maybe try to Google it if I have time before I leave.

      • steve says:

        that was easy.

        This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He’s going to be so angry if it’s not ready on time.” And she dashes out of her friend’s house, her great hand forgotten on the table.
        When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!
        “Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!” And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!
        Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.
        “You’re going to kill him,” they say, or “He’s just yanking your chain,” but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.
        Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”
        The wife stoically replied, “Ahh, I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass.”

  6. Ann Adams says:

    That was funny!!

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