The Movies Of My Life, Part 2: The Worst Of The Worst

This being a day that ends in Y, that must mean that it’s time once again to hear from Gill.

Remember friends how in our last chat I warned you that I would tell you the nightmares in movie seeing that I have had? Well sit back, or maybe put your head between your knees and kiss your rear end and your money good-bye. Oh yes. Don’t forget to get very uncomfortable.

1991 The Adams Family

My parents learned on that December evening never to trust someone obsessed with a show where the parents purposely damage their children psychologically. You know how they say too much of a good thing can be bad? I wish now that I had paid those words more attention.

1993 Alive

This offering proves that one doesn’t have to be in a movie theater setting to be rendered uncomfortable. This is based on a tragically true story of a rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes on October 12th 1972. I vowed after the survivors started eating the dead victims that I would never watch a movie again.

1997 Titanic

Keeping with the disaster theme. I saw this mostly for Leo. Mind you they do say the teen brain hasn’t really set yet. Need I explain the whole thing to you?

2001 Pearl Harbor

Having been disallowed to watch violence of any kind growing up this movie was a shock, and panic attack inducing offering. I also saw it with someone who had denied my request to see a perfectly good raunch-comedy recommended by my sister and her friend. If this taught me anything don’t ever trust village idiots.

2007 Knocked Up

Seth Roggan makes all Canadians look like a bunch of beer drinking Mel Gibson racist types. I only saw this crapsickle because I had to. A one night stand leads to pregnancy.

2012 Wander Lust

My infected finger, seeing my elderly roommate naked, getting flipped the bird in Iceland, and four painful rounds of bronchitis. What do these events have in common? Well if you said nothing, or they caused major discomfort, you my friends are right. Truth is they are experiences, all though traumatic and painful, had the balls to go away at some point. Not the memory of Wander Lust.

So boys and girls. What’s today’s lesson? Don’t always trust critics, and share your bad movie experiences with Ms. Gillie. Bye for now.

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1 comment
  1. I think the weirdest movie experience I ever had was when I watched “What Women Want” while sitting between my parents in a theatre. Um…I did a lot of looking straight down, and I think my face had turned a deep shade of red several times. Funniest was when I watched Ghost with my folks when I was much younger…I had no idea what was going on in the famous scene in Ghost. I couldn’t figure out, for the life of me, why they were making pottery for so long. Yup, I was a stupid kid.

    I haven’t seen that Knocked Up movie…now I almost want to see it just so I can either agree, or stare confusedly at Gill. Has anyone else seen it? Which column do you fall under? And…as for the rest…*shakes head*, *tries to forget I saw it*.

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