Our House Is Haunted By A Vitamin Hating Ghost

I’m not one to believe in things like ghosts and spirits, but this is a little weird so what the hell, let’s write it down.

Most nights we fall asleep listening to Those Old Radio Shows on CHML. On the weekends, that often means waking up to infomercials by Purity Products, who would like very much to sell us all manner of miracle vitamins that all sound exactly the same no matter which formula they happen to be shilling.

Yesterday was one such morning, and we’d both had our fill of listening to the sales pitch. As I was slowly reaching for the radio, I said to Carin “alright, I’ve had enough of this asshole,” at which point the vitamin people were replaced by faint, soft music. We laughed because it seemed like CHML’s equipment agreed with us, but once I started flipping stations, I noticed something odd. CHML didn’t go out. That music was coming from a station at the top of the dial. Keep in mind, I hadn’t touched anything yet when the music started. That radio has never done that before. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen a radio do that before.

Even stranger, right around the time this happened, my stomach felt off for a minute. Not off like ohmygod I’m gonna hurl right now get outa the way or I’m taking you down, but more like that’s odd, I hope nothing is wrong. At first I thought it was just something from the night before not agreeing, but then I noticed Carin seemed to be feeling a little uncomfortable too.

“Did you just have that too,” I asked?

“The stomach thing?”

“Yeah. Did you just feel flippy?”

“I did.”

So we’ve decided that, at least temporarily, our house is haunted by some kind of helpful being that doesn’t like commercials either. No idea why it waited this long to show itself, but ghosts can work in mysterious ways, so I hear.

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