Our House Is Haunted By A Vitamin Hating Ghost

I’m not one to believe in things like ghosts and spirits, but this is a little weird so what the hell, let’s write it down.

Most nights we fall asleep listening to Those Old Radio Shows on CHML. On the weekends, that often means waking up to infomercials by Purity Products, who would like very much to sell us all manner of miracle vitamins that all sound exactly the same no matter which formula they happen to be shilling.

Yesterday was one such morning, and we’d both had our fill of listening to the sales pitch. As I was slowly reaching for the radio, I said to Carin “alright, I’ve had enough of this asshole,” at which point the vitamin people were replaced by faint, soft music. We laughed because it seemed like CHML’s equipment agreed with us, but once I started flipping stations, I noticed something odd. CHML didn’t go out. That music was coming from a station at the top of the dial. Keep in mind, I hadn’t touched anything yet when the music started. That radio has never done that before. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen a radio do that before.

Even stranger, right around the time this happened, my stomach felt off for a minute. Not off like ohmygod I’m gonna hurl right now get outa the way or I’m taking you down, but more like that’s odd, I hope nothing is wrong. At first I thought it was just something from the night before not agreeing, but then I noticed Carin seemed to be feeling a little uncomfortable too.

“Did you just have that too,” I asked?

“The stomach thing?”

“Yeah. Did you just feel flippy?”

“I did.”

So we’ve decided that, at least temporarily, our house is haunted by some kind of helpful being that doesn’t like commercials either. No idea why it waited this long to show itself, but ghosts can work in mysterious ways, so I hear.

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6 comments
  1. For a split second, when I saw the title, I thought the ghost had made off with your bottle of vitamins. I thought “uh-oh, what did it do now?”

    1. Now that you mention it, I should probably go check on those. Haven’t taken them yet today, so they may have disappeared out from under my nose.

      But here’s something weird for you. Not terribly long after you left, I was making tea and checking email like usual when I heard a bang. I went to where it came from but didn’t see anything at first. But after a little more searching I discovered that one of those candle holders had fallen on the floor. Nobody is here but me and I wasn’t touching them or even thinking about them. Why would it just fall from someplace stable like that?

      1. Maybe I jostled it with all that dog boot hunting?

        Or…booooo?

        1. Usually if those are going to fall they fall during the jostling, not 10 15 minutes after it. Seems pretty impossible that it could wobble for that long.

  2. Maybe you inheritted the Shitlipian ghost of Dogshit Past?

    1. I like the name, but hopefully it’s not that ghost. It hasn’t started stenching up the place yet either, thankfully.

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