Watch As I Ruin A Perfectly Fine Onion Article By Relating It To WWE’s Awfulness

I feel like this Onion story is probably pretty close to what it must be like to work for WWE. CEO Has Special Knack For Recognizing Great Ideas And Ruining Them BALTIMORE—Employees at local technology firm Halverson Enterprises remarked to reporters Monday that CEO Peter Weathers, 61, has an extraordinary gift for discovering great ideas […]

This Is Not A Robbery. Please Kindly Accept My Shoes And This Radio

This is from 2012, but I’m noting it anyway because of the total whatthefuckedness of it all. Employees said the man entered the bank wearing stick-on facial tattoos and a vest made out of sheet metal, and then took off his shoes and socks and put them in a wastebasket. He then put a small […]

Seeback!

This one’s a bit of a groaner, but I like it. It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: “Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky” “Here!” “Seeback” No answer. “SEEBACK! The troops remained totally silent. […]

Our House Is Haunted By A Vitamin Hating Ghost

I’m not one to believe in things like ghosts and spirits, but this is a little weird so what the hell, let’s write it down. Most nights we fall asleep listening to Those Old Radio Shows on CHML. On the weekends, that often means waking up to infomercials by Purity Products, who would like very […]

A Few Words From Steve, Then Parental Quirks Part 2: Those Things They Say

Happy freezing ass Monday, everyone. Just what we hoped for after our freezing ass weekend, am I right? No? Yeah, didn’t think so. Believe it or not, Carin and I seriously went out for frozen yogurt on freezing ass Saturday. We felt like idiots at first, but once we walked into the place and saw […]

Ciao, Bella

Woooohooooo! Ok, that’s out of my system. I can write. We have talked about our canine nextdoor neighbour. Her name was Bella, but we had a fondness for calling her Shitlip. Why? That apartment would stink really bad like animal urine. We were sure that either that dog was having accidents all the time, or […]