How! Cold! Is It!?

I’m not sure what it’s like where you are, but here, it’s cold. When I say cold, I’m not talking boy, that’s a little nippy cold, I’m talking let’s break some records that have stood for over 60 years cold. The type of cold that makes today’s expected -12 celsius and -20 windchill seem downright pleasant by comparison. The type of cold that would have completely taken over Twitter had it not been for Hockey Canada announcing our Olympic team yesterday. Some of those get on with it tweets during the insufferable speeches were great, by the way.

But anyway, I digress. We’re here to talk about cold.

It was the kind of cold that had news outfits on Twitter playing the “it’s so cold that…” fill in the blank game, retweeting lame ass responses from the public by the shovelful. I had no plan to throw my hat in the ring because contrary to popular and not entirely unjustified belief, when I have nothing to say, I tend to keep my mouth shut more often than you’d think. But plans change, and since everybody seems to have missed one, here goes.

It’s been so cold this week that…escaped prisoners are turning themselves in so they can warm up.

Authorities said the inmate escaped from a minimum security facility in Lexington on Sunday. As temperatures dropped into the low single digits Monday, officials say the man walked into a motel and asked the clerk to call police.

Robert Vick, 42, of Hartford told the clerk he wanted to turn himself in and escape the arctic air, Lexington police spokeswoman Sherelle Roberts said.

And all this time I thought minimum security prisons were more like country clubs, places where inmates were spoiled and pampered with luxuries like calendars and weather reports. My world, it is upside down.

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