What Are You, Nuts? Put Down The Squirrel!

Rarely have I experienced the crushing disappointment that comes with a failure to procure adult beverages in advance of a holiday. What can I say, when you’ve got your priorities in order, that sort of thing just doesn’t happen. But when it does, it’s not the end of the world. Sure it may feel like it for a few minutes, but you eventually get over it and have a perfectly fine time…unless you’re trapped somewhere with people who’s existence may have been the inspiration for the creation of said beverages, perhaps. But even then, beating and stabbing someone with a ceramic squirrel over it still seems a bit over the top. But on the other hand, I know a few people…ok, maybe I should just stop talking.

The Charleston County Sheriff’s office says in a report that deputies found a man covered with blood when they arrived at Helen Williams’ North Charleston home early Wednesday. She told investigators the man fell and cut himself, but couldn’t explain why her hands and clothes were also bloody.

Deputies say the man said Williams was so angry when he returned without beer because stores were closed on Christmas Eve that she grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him in the head, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest.

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