There Is A Google Glass Sex App. Oh, And Some Other Stuff Happened, Too

I’ve seen a lot in the news about Google Glass, but to be honest, I haven’t paid that much attention to any of it. That is, until today when a couple of stories caught my eye.

But before we get into those, I’m sure some of you are wondering Steve, what the hell is Google Glass? A good question that we’ll turn to Wikipedia to answer.

Google Glass is a wearable computer with an optical head-mounted display (OHMD) that is being developed by Google in the Project Glass research and development project, with a mission of producing a mass-market ubiquitous computer. Google Glass displays information in a smartphone-like hands-free format, that can communicate with the Internet via natural language voice commands.

While the frames do not currently have lenses fitted to them, Google is considering partnerships with sunglass retailers such as Ray-Ban or Warby Parker, and may also open retail stores to allow customers to try on the device.

Long story short, they’re fancy glasses that can do all kinds of crap. They can take pictures and video, they can give you directions, they can let you read your email…essentially it’s a smartphone for your head. It all sounds very futuristic and even a bit cool, but I’m not sure I’m quite at a point in my life where I want to have public conversations with my headgear.

So now that you’re up to speed, let’s get to the news.

Both stories involve someone getting screwed. First up, by the movie industry and the FBI.

A man in a movie theatre wearing a switched off Google Glass because he had paid for lenses to make them into his actual glasses was intimidated out of his movie and questioned for hours “voluntarily” of course because officials were convinced he was filming it.

“About an hour into the movie, a guy comes near my seat, shoves a badge that had some sort of a shield on it, yanks the Google Glass off my face and says ‘follow me outside immediately’. It was quite embarrassing and outside of the theater there were about 5-10 cops and mall cops,” the man told Gadgeteer.

After trying to establish the official’s identity and authority (and trying to get his property back), the man was put firmly in his place.

“You see all these cops, you know we are legit, we are with the ‘federal service’ and you have been caught illegally taping the movie,” he was told.

His protests that this was a big misunderstanding only led to the couple being split up and taken to different rooms. The man was searched and his wallet plus work and personal phones (both off) were taken away from him.

“What followed was over an hour of the ‘feds’ telling me I am not under arrest, and that this is a ‘voluntary interview’, but if I choose not to cooperate bad things may happen to me,” he explained.

“They wanted to know who I am, where I live, where I work, how much I’m making, how many computers I have at home, why am I recording the movie, who am I going to give the recording to, why don’t I just give up the guy up the chain, ’cause they are not interested in me. Over and over and over again.”

And then yet more paranoia. Even though the Google Glass was switched off the man wasn’t allowed to touch the device out of fear he would “erase the evidence.” The FBI also asked some pretty strange questions.

“Then they wanted to know what does Google ask of me in exchange for Glass, how much is Google paying me, who is my boss and why am I recording the movie,” he explained.

Eventually somebody thought to do the obvious and hook the glasses up to a laptop. It didn’t take long to figure out that oops, we’ve been hastling this poor fellow and his wife for no reason.

And then Bob Hope gave him free movie tickets for his trouble. Seriously.

“A guy who claimed his name is Bob Hope (he gave me his business card) came in the room, and said he was with the Movie Association and they have problems with piracy at that specific theater and that specific movie. He gave me two free movie passes ‘so I can see the movie again’,” a gesture that was subsequently upped to four passes after the revelation that AMC had called him first and he’d decided to escalate the matter to the FBI.

Knowing all too well the pace at which the feds and big entertainment understand and adopt new technology, cases like this are going to get worse before they get better.

And now, people getting screwed by the dorkiest dorks to ever dork.

There is a sex filming app. No, you shut up.

It’s all designed to make sex a little bit better, the developers said.

Unless it can keep you from going off in 12 seconds or ensure that you’re doing it with a living thing not attached to the end of your own arm, you’re doing this sex thing all wrong, fellas.

“We asked ourselves: ‘How can we make sex more awesome with Google Glass?” This is our answer. Our intention is to make the physical better. We stand more of the “real stuff”. And less Skype sex.”

Just don’t get your hopes up for many repeat dates, I suspect.

But it gets…better?

The app also offers a bit of help along the way.

Unimaginative lovers can mutter “OK glass, give me ideas” for a few suggestions on which part to fondle at any given time, as well as asking Glass to play a certain kind of music.

At the end of the session, the horny Glasshole can just say “OK glass, pull out” to end the filming.

No, that’s definitley not better. Not better at all.

And no, this is not satire, not unless more than one generally credible source is being hoaxed.

Can we agree that technology has officially gotten out of hand?

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