I’m just going to go ahead and present this without comment, because how am I supposed to improve upon it?
A train traveller who had devoured a cocktail of legal highs and alcohol was arrested after trying to have sex with a drinks trolley.
Andrew Davidson was seen humping the trolley while shouting ‘I want to kiss you, I want to f*** you’.
Before he foisted himself upon it, he had placed his hands on a female passenger and attempted to kiss a member of staff.
According to fiscal dispute Jim Eodanable, he also fell on to his face and began rubbing his chest, sticking his tongue out and yelling about what he wanted to do to his boyfriend.
The 25-year-old’s behaviour was so distressing for the crew member that she ran off the train at the next stop.