Was It A 6-Inch Or A Footlong

Having lived in Kitchener for a shade over a year now, I can certainly relate to the frustration one feels when all you want is some friggin takeout or delivery, but half the restaurants aren’t open when it isn’t even all that late. What’s up with that, anyway? But never has the thought struck me that I should vent my simmering rage by dropping trou and humping a window as Lydell Coleman is said to have done.

According to charging papers, Colman arrived at the shop, located at 2500 S.W. Barton St., at 9:30 p.m. and started tugging on the locked door. The witnesses told police the evening then took a strange turn.

“At the glass window, Coleman was observed making sexual motions on the glass window that were described as ‘humping’ and rubbing his genitals against the window,” a Seattle detective said in charging papers, recounting statements made by the two women who witnessed the incident.

Told the store was closed, Coleman exposed himself and pressed his bare genitals against the presumably cold glass, according to charging papers. He then fled as security responded to the store.

In case it wasn’t clear, this is all according to charging papers and the glass window was glass. Ever hear of a copy editor? Jesus.

But back to the matter at hand…er…window, Coleman, who already has a previous indecent exposure conviction under his figurative belt (since obviously the literal one is a bit of a problem) has been charged with felony indecent exposure and at last word remained jailed on $35,000 bail.

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