had She Taken The Advice Imparted By Her Name, We May Not Be Here Right Now

If you want to make it easy for the cops to catch you driving drunk for the seventh time, feel free to drive the wrong way, forcing your fellow motorists off the road as you go. But if that’s not enough of a gift, definitely do be sure to smell of liquor and make sure that the open bottle of vodka on the seat beside you is nice and visible. And if you still feel like there’s an extra mile or two you can go, handing the nice officer a credit card and a receipt from the liquor store showing that you recently purchased a bottle of vodka is only good form. And yeah, you might as well go on ahead and fail the sobriety tests while you’re at it.

And if even after all of that you’re still feeling super generous and want to amuse guys like me, it totally helps that your name is Brenda Drinkwater.