I Think He Had More Than A Snoring Problem

I read about this story not too long after I was out of the hospital. In true me fashion, I let out a scream when it got crazy…and then thought, in light of current circumstances, maybe that was dumb. Poor Steve, the scream must have been pretty painful-sounding, because he came in a hurry, thinking something horrible had happened to me. Nope, just this dude who tried to break his own nose to stop his snoring.

And I didn’t even read the article yet, just the piece in the news of the weird column. If only I had read the article. Then who knows what noises I would have made.

This brilliant fellow decided that the only way to end his snoring was to have sinus surgery. But he didn’t talk to his doctor about it. No, he decided he would do it himself…no, not like that!

He thought all he needed to do was drink his face off for about a week, then put straws up his nose and repeatedly open a door into his face, thus breaking his nose!

See now why I screamed?

And of course, that didn’t work as planned. And, all the alcohol caused him to kind of get a bit loopy, turning a gun on his family…which brought the police.

Just imagine the scene. You show up. There is blood everywhere, blood near one door, blood near another one, 2 empty vodka bottles just laying in some broken glass from another door…and when you finally find your subject, John Novak, he’s laying in a bed, covered in blood, saying he’s not going anywhere. At first you think he’s just being troublesome, and then you realize this guy is so smashed he literally can’t go anywhere without help. Time to call in the paramedics, but not before Novak craps all over himself while saying he was going to take a leak.

This guy’s blood alcohol level was so high it was approaching alcohol poisoning territory. And his face looked like he’d been beaten up. It was only when folks at the hospital sobered him up enough that he was able to explain that yes, he had broken his own nose.

Yeah dude, I think surgery falls in the category of don’t try this at home.

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